What does self-love mean to you?

Self – Love to me means that no matter the circumstances or situation, I can totally be confident in my own skin. Self-love is someone who is secure about themselves. You have to love yourself before loving anyone else. Self-love is within you, not anyone else. It’s not only external it’s internal as well.

How'd you come to love yourself?

How’d I come to love myself was a process before I matured into a young man. I had to first accept what happened in my childhood to understand love, period. I had to accept the mistakes I’ve made as well. Understanding what was love and seeing people that were loved, made me want to experience it first-hand. I loved people before loving myself. For example, if you love a friend, girl, homie and you’re willing to take the bullet for this person, you love him or her more than yourself. And please don’t take these words out of context, if you know what I mean. But during these times, nobody could tell me that the same people I love more than myself didn’t feel the same way about me. After growing and learning that these same handshakes didn’t match their smiles or letting words such as “I love you son” or “this my brother rite here” mistakenly thinking I'm being truly loved. These were the types of words that confused me but also gave me the opportunity to put that love for others into myself and that’s how I've come to love myself. Some of the barriers I was faced with was betrayal, hurt, and confusion just as I explained above, I lacked a lot in confidence and once I've built my confidence and independence up, loving myself became easy.

What are some of the issues that people who are incarcerated face regarding self-love and acceptance?

Some of the issues people who are incarcerated face regarding self-love and self-acceptance are everybody in prison wants some type of love, especially from friends and family. When dealing with these problems, it can be dangerous in jail because not understand self-love and acceptance, you can be misunderstood and also hurt yourself. I had a close friend that never really understood self-acceptance. He was called a weirdo, people always busts jokes on him because of his looks but that was okay with him because at least he was always able to be around these same people every day, whether or not he was the joke of the day. He even joined a gang in jail, just to be accepted and that’s when the misuse came in. By him not accepting himself for who he was, he started doing other things so everybody else could accept him. He ended up going to the hole for a while because the gang members told him to cut someone and he did. This situation messed up his parole in which he was eligible to go home soon but now he had to do more time for the assault. I was so mad because I understood his intentions and he just wanted to be accepted. He needed to be around people who accepted him for who he was and he was looking for that in the wrong place, from the wrong people. With him being faced with this issue of not understand self-acceptance while in prison got him into a lot of trouble.

*Content Warning * Suicide

I’ve witnessed a guy jump off a two story tier with a sheet tied around the guard rail and his neck and committed suicide. All because he felt like no one loved him, family or friends, so he didn't have any love for himself. But people who deal with these issues in jail are 1) afraid to talk about it or 2) they think people will make fun of them. Also, the prisons don't have any types of groups, classes, or activities that can help us with these problems. If they had classes that taught positive self-esteem, self-love and acceptance, that will help a lot. But, being as though this doesn’t exist, the only thing the system knows is medication. They got brothers walking around like zombies off all the meds because they’re depressed, stressed out and can’t handle the reality. The guy that committed suicide was on all types of meds because he struggled with self-love and the system had no idea. These are some of the issues people of all ages and races are faced with during their incarceration, not much resources regarding positive self-esteem, self-love and acceptance and how to cope with insecurities. Our insecurities play a major part in having low self-esteem, self-love, acceptance and self-worth.

Another issue that imprisoned people are faced with regarding self-love and self-acceptance are issues from the outside. It could make you question your self-worth, especially when you have a significant other that may leave you stranded. It can ultimately make you feel unlovable even in your own eyes.

Often times we look for other people to validate our existence and self-worth. how hard or easy life is for someone who is incarcerated to practice self-love or love in general, first thing is confidence, that's the key. it’s much harder to live up to somebody else’s standards , if you be yourself and not worry about what makes you cool in another person’s eyes, it’ll be much easier. Now it might be hard for some people to practice self-love while prison because of the environment we’re in. Also if you have no one to love how can you practice it? Lots of inmates don't have people to write or talk to, so it’s hard for them to show their love.

What advice do you have for people who struggle to love themselves?

One piece of advice I can share with people who struggle to love themselves is seek help, talk to someone. Everybody’s situations are different so never be scared of what anybody thinks. Also you have to love yourself no matter what, do a lot of soul searching. Get help from your spiritual beliefs.

How do you practice this?

There is no practice for me, I wake up and just love who I am but one of the things I do into practice self-love is pray. I constantly ask for help from my spiritual guidance, beside just being confident with myself.

What advice you can give to imprisoned men and women?

Stay yourself, be comfortable with you before you are comfortable with others. Occupy your time wisely, attend classes, groups, trades, whatever keeps you busy. Gain as much as possible with the resources that's provided. Learn yourself and learn from the mistakes we’ve made.

What are some hardships you face as a young black male?

As a black young male currently in prison, one of the hardships I’ve faced is racism, not only with the C'O's but inmates as well. The different gangs on both sides, the violence between the two and the corrupt system will drive anyone crazy and in so many ways self-love can be difficult for some people. For others, some will consider jail hard only if you’re weak minded because you have to have stability mentally so the time doesn't weigh you down and I could agree to a certain extent. Now, on the other hand, with my surroundings, I try to stay optimistic enough to find positivity in every situation. And with the hardships and adversity I go through, I look for my loved ones to help me get though them. So is self-love obtainable in these situations? Yes because it should never be able to alter or deter no matter where you are. Self-love is within the person’s heart.

What are some quotes or sayings that motivate you to continue to love yourself?

Quotes or sayings that motivate me to continue to love myself will be "never compromise your integrity and stay grounded/ know your self-worth. Stay true to who you are and how you feel. Wear that wherever you go.”