Alice Olom's interview on self love, being unapologetically black, life after graduation and so much more.

Introduce yourself: Name or nickname, age, occupation, hobbies and an interesting fact about yourself.

• Hello there. My name is Alice Olom. Some people call me Queen. You can call me “Alice” or “Queen”, I answer to both. (This is not to be confused with “Queen Alice”. I don’t respond to this because it makes makes my name more of a title. I’ve always said that “Queen” is a not a title, but a lifestyle, and referring to me as “Queen Alice” doesn’t hold me accountable.) I am 22 years young, and I recently graduated from Le Moyne College with the highest distinction of honors and got my Bachelors of arts in Political Science. I am in love with the arts and participate in what I can.  My hobbies include photography, knitting, dancing, walking and music. I didn’t include singing as my hobby, because it has become more of my way of life. Singing is a part of what makes me who I am. An Interesting fact? In a span of 6 years I’ve traveled all over the east coast singing and performing for various events, people and places. They include Yankee Stadium with Pink Floyd, Madison Square Garden, Broadway Stages, Disney World...just to name a few.

Since graduating, what have been your plans? 

Since graduating though, I have found that the plans that we have and the path that we actually go on is more often than not very different, especially if you take into account race, geography, circumstances, degree and support ( just to name a few.) My plans have stayed the same, but God’s plan takes over all the time.

But I also think that we should be more honest about the post graduation process and how it is extremely glorified and an uncomfortable transition. I feel like there isn’t enough weight on the hardships of applying to jobs or how to pay for grad school while still paying off student loans, how to deal with student loans six months after graduation without a steady job in place, the depression, anxiety and insecurity of not being able to find a job. Now for some people, it isn’t all bad, but it is very uncomfortable especially for someone like me who has been in school and excelled in it all her life. Now I get asked “What’s next” and I find myself trying to find the words to say “I’m trying to figure out HOW to get to “what’s next” or trying TO figure out “what’s next” because I had a vision of a dream that it would be easier to get to my initial “what’s next.” For me, this space of not knowing is uncomfortable, but my faith in God has strengthened. I have had to learn that God’s plan for me will ALWAYS come first.  

The Peace Corps at this time in my life did not work out, but I will reapply sometime later in the future. I did apply to Americorps though which is another volunteer-based service stationed in the United States. I hope to work with the youth and be a mentor, basically the same thing I was going to do in the Peace Corps. I still have plans to go back and obtain a Masters and probably even a doctorate after I take some time off. I am still planning on studying international relations and becoming a diplomat and eventually an ambassador. So stay tuned!

What are you passionate about? Who inspires you?

This isn’t an easy question. I am passionate about many things; music, social justice, human rights, my cultures, truth, love, life, God… and more. I feel deeply and strongly, so when a passion becomes a passion, it becomes so much a part of me and it is exuded in everything I say, do, and think.

But, If I had to pick one, I am passionate about God. I am passionate about building strong relationships with him and being very intentional about it. I am passionate about the work I do for him and in his name and my faith in him and his love for me. God is a subject that I can go on about because he is so complex and yet so simple. God is my everything

• Who inspires you?

  • Malcolm X because of his courage passion for truth and justice. He loved our people so much and wanted us to rise and be the great people that he knew we were always meant to be. I share this same passion and love.

  • Maya Angelou- A beautiful thinker. Awesome author. Great woman. As powerful and famous woman as she was, she never acted as though she was better than anyone or that she was always so modest or followed all the rules. The woman was a prostitute for goodness sake, she was a teenage mother and still, look at the legacy she left behind. She never hid where she came from, and even in her old age, embraced all that she was because she realized that all of it contributed to who she was. Everyday I remind myself to be honest, open and comfortable with myself the way she was.

  • Lauryn Hill- That woman is a musical genius. Her mind is wonderful. I honestly believe she is ahead of her time. I love her voice, her musicality, her thought process. Musically, she is who I want to be.

  • My mom and dad- They are quite the pair, but they have taught me so much about our history, our culture and how to navigate life based on their experiences. They have really helped shape me to the woman I am and will continue to grow to be.

Is there anything about your race, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc. that motivates you?

• All of the above! To be black is to be powerful and resilient. Even after everything black people have gone through ( not just in America) and are still going through we have always risen up. We can’t be broken. I am reminded of this when I get tired and fed up with how my people are being treated on a day to day basis. Because so many people have fought to get me this far, I too, shall continue fighting for those after me.  “We shall overcome” right? Add being an African woman: Ghanaian and Nigerian. Being so close to my motherland gives me a sense of pride. I am connected to traditions, values, morals and a culture that unfortunately has been robbed from so many people. I recognize the strength of West African women in me and how, even in their silence, they always fight for better. The saying “It takes a village” reigns true in the West African community. Many women have adopted me as their daughter, granddaughter,niece, cousin and sister. They have all had a hand in teaching me about who I am and who I have the potential to be. Being part of the village motivates me to create my own village, which I have been subconsciously creating since my teenage years. I have and continue to adopt people from all walks of life and place them into my village. In this village ,I try as much as I can to share my West African roots in hopes that though many were robbed of the privilege of knowing exactly where they came from, they can at least feel the life the Motherland continues to provide its children even from afar.

• *Please note that I, personally consider Black to be synonymous with African because I am both.

• Finally, my Christian faith is the reason why I always see the glass being able to be filled again rather than half empty or half full. Knowing that I am protected and part of something bigger than myself allows me to live a life conscientiously and without limits. I know that when I hit a roadblock, a mountain, a trial or test, it’s God’s way of telling me that 1- I don’t have to do any of it alone and 2- When I get to where I’m supposed to be, I will realize why all of those things were in my way. My faith humbles me and motivates me to keep going. This is why Gospel songs are my specialty. They’ve helped me through so much and remind me daily of whose daughter I am and the power I am given because of that.

You are unapologetically black. Many people don't understand or is intimidated by this. Why is it important to maintain this attitude/ lifestyle?

• For so long I hated my blackness. When I was younger (and dumber), the color of my skin was a hindrance to me. It almost felt like a disability. There were people around, in my development as a child that made me feel that because of my brownness, I deservedto be used and abused. As I grew, mentally, emotionally and physically, I had to heal from that. There was nothing I could do to be any lighter than I am. (And trust me y'all, I tried. I tried bleaching at one point, I put powder all over my body, crushed up chalk and rubbed it on myself… I was committed.) When I was adopted into a village (remember when I said this?) people around me, owned their blackness. First of all, their hair was divine! And their features were so beautiful and big and versatile and rich and strong.  I realized, it all came with being black. Then, I learned about our history and feel angry but proud at the same time and I look around today and see that black people never left and they never will. I am part of a people that makes history, start trends, give birth to legends, and invent cultures even though everything around them tells them they can’t.

Now, I am, as they say, “unapologetically Black”. Why? Well why not? I am part of the gum popping, hair flipping, waist whining, strong textured hair, basketball playing, dance and step participant, rap, R&B, soul, gospel, and hip hop culture. I am here for all the nerdy black men and women who immerse themselves in different cultures because they love anime or different comics. I am here for the little girls jumping double dutch and wearing their puffs or cornrows and instantly know how they feel when I see their edges have been pulled to get the braids and ponytails all neat. I am for the black bookworms and eloquent entrepreneur men and women who “make it out of the hood” and then give back to the same hood that made them. I am here for the thousands of shades of black that makes up the culture and race and I am here for Fenty Beauty for recognizing the thousands of shades and catering to as many of them as she can. I am for the power in Tupac’s lyrics, the sultriness of Erykah Badu, the soulfulness of Jill Scott, the versatility of Beyonce, the experiences of Kendrick Lamar and more.  I am here for every black stereotype and “exception to the rule” and “not black enough to be” and “too black to not be”... I must maintain this unapologetic nature because that’s exactly what I am. Unapologetic. I now LOVE being black and I am so sorry that there was a time in my life that I didn’t want to be. Now I spend my time making up for lost time. I educate, I immerse myself in the culture, I own my blackness… But remember, I am also African, so there are some experiences that I will never understand or be involved in because I don’t understand. So it is important to sometimes also for me to take a step back and listen. Listen to what it means to be black anywhere. Respect it, reflect and appreciate it. Let them(us) speak when they (we) want to and need to speak and (I) you… just listen. Eventually, they mesh so well together that it stops being about “unapologetically black” and becomes being “unapologetically me.”

Consistent themes and works (art, songs, poetry) you've seen this last year that speaks to you?

• Women. Black women specifically. They have become my consistent themes and works of art, especially in the past two years for me. I have become more and more aware of the hypersexuality of black women and have worked hard over the years to diminish that. In doing so, I see just how beautiful black women are, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc.  The strength, resiliency and power of a black woman’s voice is enough to give me goosebumps every darn time I think about it, let alone hear it. The stories I see on their face, especially in their eyes, breaks my heart and instills a sense of pride in me simultaneously. The versatility of black women's bodies puts me in a euphoric state. Black women are poetry. They are music. They are art.

How do you practice self love and why is it important?

• Last summer I’ve adopted the saying “Protect your Peace.” In the New Testament, there’s a story of how the disciples were in a boat during the storm. Jesus was sleeping down on the bottom and they woke him up screaming and panicking asking how he could sleep during such a tumultuous time. He got up, went to the front of the boat and said “Peace be still.” He could’ve told the individual forces that made up the storm to stop, but he spoke to the entity of Peace. If he would have told the waves to calm down, there would still be a problem of the strong winds. If he told the winds to calm down, there would still be a problem of strong rain and so on.  He recognized that Peace was troubled, therefore everything else was troubled, so he went directly to the source of the storm and told it to be still. In our lives, we tend to look at things individually. Sure, we understand they all make up the different events in our lives but when we tackle the difficulties we try to fix one part thinking it’ll fix everything. Temporarily it does, but the source of that problem is still there and oftentimes, that problem is within us. It’s our peace. My self love ritual is Protecting my peace. I am aware of negativity, but I don’t let it consume me. When I know there is something that will trouble me or bother me, I don’t look or engage myself in/with it until I am ready and sometimes that time is never. I appreciate my environment a lot more now. I take walks and actually look around and appreciate things. I enjoy my alone time everyday. It is a time to reflect and just Thank God. I listen to music. I try not to worry...about money, time, space… I breathe. I make time for friends and family. I enjoy my hobbies. I enjoy everyday like it will be my last and when its not, I do it all again. It’s all very simple and easy things that we take for granted, especially as we get older. We get so consumed in thinking about making money and trying to make sure we get to where we need to be that we forget about the present. We find ourselves thinking of easier days when we were kids and wanted so much to grow up and now, we’re thinking we want to be kids again. It’s okay. Be a kid at least once a week if you can. Go to the park. Color. Play double-dutch. Watch a movie. Be comfortable in silence. Make Noise. Take care of the inner you. Protect your peace. I know it’s easier said than done because there aren’t enough hours in a day, but once you find your inner peace and protect it, you’ll realize how much we worry about things we can’t control and how miserable that makes us. Remember, God doesn’t make any mistakes and he knows your potential so believe in yourself and know that he’s going to take you where you need to go. Enjoy the ride on the way there.

What do you want your legacy to be?

• In my high school yearbook, my senior quote was something along the lines of “When the world starts to move, I want people to say that Alice helped move it.” I think that was inspired by something Al Sharpton said… probably in an interview with Oprah. I’ve always wanted to be a world changer/mover and for a long time, people around me thought I would do that as a politician. I probably won’t be a politician, but somehow, someway it will happen. It may be through singing, or diplomatic efforts or humanitarian efforts or whatever, but when it’s all said and done, someone, somewhere is going to say “Alice helped move this.”

This is not to say that I do all that I do to be recognized. In Fact, that is far from the truth. I was thinking more in terms of how legends opened doors for so many that case after them. In a documentary on Whitney Houston, someone said that there wouldn't be a Beyonce if there was no Whitney Houston. If Denzel Washington didn't work as hard as he did to break the glass ceiling, who knows what the industry would be like for black male actors. If there was no Marcus Garvey, Frederick Douglass, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Alice Walker, Nina Simone, Martin Luther King Jr., Michelle Obama would there be a Barack Obama? That's the kind of world changer I aspire to be. I want to work so hard that more doors are opened for people who look like me. After all, we must have some kind of supernatural type of power because then why would the world try so hard to keep us down?

 Lada: Ive been sitting on this interview for almost a year and I am so happy to release it at this time. Im so happy I know Alice and appreciate her beyond measure. Shes such an amazing, talented, woman with so much to offer those around her and to the world. Alice, thank you so much for this amazing interview <3

Unpacking Your Sh*t

"Unpacking Your Sh*t”- Tiffany Shumeh Clemmings

Your group chat finally booked that girls’ trip that’s been long overdue. Half of y'all ain't going though! (Vanessa doesn't have a passport. Lisa's funds are low and Kelly was never going. She’s all talk). You on the other hand- need this get away. Romantic relationships, family and work have you down. Stuck. Stagnant. You don’t know what it is but this trip will definitely help that. Right? 

Friday at 4:40pm, you spend all your time looking like you’re “working” but you actually are watching the clock slowly move and waiting (impatiently) for 4:59pm.  You close your email and are fin’ta go.

Passport-check. Suitcase- check. Wheels up. You over packed that neon suitcase and you know it but you’re out! Snapchat and Instagram know you’ re on vacation too and by the end of the week ya followers are straight over ya constant "lit" content, drunk selfies, and snapchat twerk videos heavily inspired by 24- hour rum served at the resort.

You are back. You dread being here. Can’t you just move to Jamaica?! You seemed so happy there. The alarm is set and it's time to get ready for Monday. The week is beginning. Same sh*t over and over. You look over at your suitcase and here comes Wednesday and you are still picking out mix-matched items to wear for the week. Why haven't you unpacked?

Why is it so hard to unpack our sh*t?

As a recent graduate of SUNY Albany's MSW program, I know first-hand the difficulty of unpacking your sh*t. Professors ask case study questions and before you know it Amanda (white woman) is explaining to the class how her (insert whichever family member here) is going through (insert whatever social, emotional, substance difficulty here) and her family ain't never been the same since. Amanda is crying and its been five minutes and she hasn’t answered the question. Amanda, in all seriousness thank you for your vulnerability. But, frankly this isn’t the space for that.

Amanda, why are you talking about it in class? Have you spoken about that in alternate settings? But that’s all about privilege and part of the PWI (private white institution) experience.

What about the POC ( person of color) student that has been raised with a plethora of deeply ingrained cultural norms. Let’s call her Tiffany. Tiffany sits there wondering how this other student feels so comfortable expressing her sh*t to the class. Wasn’t Amanda raised like her?  First rule in being a POC, "Don't air your dirty laundry outside.”

When did this become a real thing? Why can we not discuss our inner emotional turbulence? Maybe during the middle of class is not appropriate (especially when you still haven’t answered the question Amanda!)  but when can you do this? I have dedicated my self to improving the lives of mothers/fathers, aunts/uncles, sisters/brothers, and all gender non-conforming POC. I owe it to all yall. I invite all that helped raise me to think of something different. To be proud of our culture but to interrogate certain codes unwritten rules that do more damage to us than good.

We don’t unpack our sh*t because its hard. We don’t unpack our sh*t because we were never allowed to. We would then have to face all the feelings that we spend every day suppressing in trips, relationships, shopping binges and sometimes illegal/legal substances. Who do we run to? Do they even care? 

This is the paradox, I faced when I began attending therapy in 2013. I was in a horrible relationship unsure of where I wanted my next career choices on to go. Every day was an internal battle against myself. “I literally want to cry right here and right now but I can't. I can't let my job know what's wrong. I can't let my family know what's wrong and I can't let my friends know what's wrong. Sh*t, I don't even know what's wrong. But crying like this is crazy and I need to relax. There are people out there with much worse.”

I would not allow myself to feel, I wouldn't let myselfcry (guiltlessly) and worse off I wouldn't allow anyone to see me for how I was really feeling. Acting is part of the suppression. Sometimes people tell me now that they wonder if I have bad days. I joke " I'm a great actress."  I really am. Years of laughing at uncomfortable race jokes because I'm a friendly minority. Years of hiding who I am. Years of being afraid to look weak. One day, I was tired of acting. I unpacked my sh*t.

You can too. You can wake up one morning and decide that you are tired of being happy and acting for everyone else.  I found my therapist. She opened her wide arms and emotionally hugged all the places I wouldn't allow others to.  Soon I had a therapist in Albany, too. She, another walking angel, helped me process my individuality. She helps me live in my truth unapologetically as I've been doing fully since 2015. All of these angels helped me.  Helped me unpack all this sh*t- because I simply could not do it alone.

They reinforced that I didn't have to walk around with pain, with shame, or guilt. I had a space to cry, to question, to refute, be stubborn and love and live and finally breathe. All without judgement.  Women of color who understood the brain, the soul ,and most importantly the heart.

 How do you unpack your sh*t? You just do it. You watch Brene Brown's TEDTalk on vulnerability.  Read bell hooks’ book, “ Sisters of the Yam”. You find a space. Spaces and you cry, you laugh , you reach out to others and you most importantly LOVE YOU. Love every inch of madness, confusion, heart break there is.

I love you. Especially to all my brown, POC, LBGTPOC. I Love you and you aren't alone. Crack open that suitcase and begin unpacking. There are all new adventures to be had. 

- Tiffany Shumeh Clemmings

The blue shirt- A pic of me literally in the midst of all the shit I was going thru.  Like in 2013, while I went thru all of my shit. Horrible relationship, low self esteem, confusion, pain and anger but somehow I found it in me to take this awesome pic at the beach. I wanted to appear free. I literally remember wishing all my problems would wash away in the sand. 

Literally four years later, I'm breathing living in my fucking truth.  Maroon shirt- the girl who learned that unpacking shit is okay. It's safe. I'm safe.  Thanks so much again Lorenda.  I literally went thru a therapeutic zone while writing this.  Thank you!

Lada: I met Tiffany in grad school. She is definitely one of the people who held me down on my worse days and celebrated with meon my best days. She always encouraged me to take care of my mental health and always unpack my shit. We're encouraged to do that in our profession but its also important to do that in our real lives too. Tiff, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, life experience and humor with us.

Living Single: Choosing YOUr Happiness

Living Single: Choosing YOUr Happiness by Diniqua Bell

Lada: I asked my best friend to reflect on her experiences as a single woman. We've had so many conversations on our expectations, wants, needs, etc. I think a lot of women, especially ones deemed strong and goal oriented hear these things often and are expected to settle. With her dope insight, humor, and her dedication to her happiness, I had to get her to write up her thoughts on it in this piece. I hope yall enjoy =)

Lada: because your single, people assume your lonely or are willing to date anyone.. what do you say about that?

Definitely, Society over all expects you to be in a relationship or even a “situation-ship”. Many assume that being single is complete sadness, misery, anger and for me it’s the total opposite. I found myself while I am single. I got a sudden rush and eagerness to be a part of the world. Clearly that sounds quite extra some may think. But it’s the honest truth, I begin to love myself and want more for myself. I started to understand Life totally different I think in a relationship unknowingly some of us (women) begin to create life only with a person beside us and not a life based on OURSELVES. I hope you understand that. . So as a kid growing up you are watching movies centered on love and relationships. As soon as you hit middle school the quest to have a boyfriend is on 10 LOL. Being in a relationship is a cool thing, having a boyfriend is the thing to have and to keep him more than two month’s WELP you were getting married in the school yard. It is engrained in our heads that it is most important to claim someone and be “his girl”.

If you happen to be single more than six months to a year. People will assume you are desperate. They love hooking you up with the only single dude they know of. The most unthoughtful recommendations. You start questioning whether or not you look desperate on the outside because these people should know you well enough to KNOWWWW they played themselves LOL. It becomes a debate on what it is people feel you “need” to do in order to secure a man. Many times these people aren’t in relationships themselves or if they are not a relationship you would desire to be in. All in all the set up happens because people are comparing how they might be feeling if they were in your predicament. Being single isn’t a jail sentence and quite frankly I made the choice after a four year relationship. In my heart of hearts I seemed to know who I was without the person I begin to try and make a part of my dreams. The decision was a draining one and it hurt like hell to be honest with myself and give my mind what I knew it needed while my heart leaned more toward not hurting him. I chose me and living single has made my life flourish, my smile is bigger, my understanding of relationships is clearer and overall I have learned and reflected on a lot that has built who I am today. Being single is an important growth period every woman in life should assure they have. When single the focus is on you and what you like or dislike. It is a time to be selfish with yourself and the things that make you happy. I would not change the decision I made because within the last three years I have become solid and more sure of myself and my expectations and requirements once I jump back into the dating/ relationship world.

Lada: Reflections on how people think your standards are too high

My standards are very basic for me being women with her own life, money and self-respect. I think people believe that I must be willing to compromise and I am. I am willing to compromise on anything that will not make me lose my morals, my respect or who I am as a person. I have many conversations on what a guy “won’t do” or how as women we need to be willing to mold and help guide them. What I think is the most annoying and frustrating thing is as women we share advice and basically give the “okay” to treat these men that supposed to be MEN like they are our sons. Honestly I do not want kids and I’ll be damned if I am raising a grown man in hopes that he becomes the person I “want him to be”. My standards are basic and an honest, appreciative and respectful man will see that and over achieve it. If we as women especially black women had standards and kept them high than our results in dating and relationships

would be so much better. It is important to make men EARN you and EARNING you have nothing to do with money. It is our nature as Women to be nurturing and caring and “hold down” our men but quite frankly it’s very rare we receive the same work from them in these relationships. We never actually feel safe, secure or understood at all by these men that we choose to place in our lives but it we stood our ground and were comfortable being alone and being patient until he EARNED us than we would attend more weddings and less baby showers.

Lada: Why maintaining your standards are important?

If we do not maintain our standards we lose our selves immediately. We become the continued cycle we see in our families which is either single women OR women in content, miserable and non - beneficial relationships. It’s important to carry yourself as the prize you are. If you know your intentions and your heart is pure it is important that you do not belittle yourself to accept anything. You have to be okay knowing that it’s take time to find a man appreciative of the women that you are and it not being as easy for him that it might have been with other females. Make these men work for the love you’re capable of giving.

Lada: Any common dating trends that you disagree with?

I disagree with the new trend and joke behind a “sidepiece”

If you need a side of anything it must only contain food so you want Yams or collard greens? We watch these TV shows day in and day out praising the women who the man chooses not to claim as there girl and we watch the female be just fine with the situation. It shows a deep insecurity and just how much we empower and place men on a pedestal more than we do ourselves.

Another trend that grinds my gears is the way we as women agree to the circumstances men want. What I mean by this is the men in this generation refuse to be in a relationship but want relationship entitlement. They want to set rules and regulations, come around when they please and or just expect you to be available whenever they need. What do us as women do? Fall right in line just as they love to see happen. In the mind of a woman who doesn’t know herself or understand just why the situation will not change I would like to share that love and respect does not come with putting up with the most bull shit. Be certain of what you want and YOU call the shots, stop getting played and control your board the choice is yours from start to finish if you don’t let his penis, charisma or face distract you. No matter how cute you are and how fat your ass is these guys are never distracted enough to dismiss their plans with you.

Lada: Reflection on defining and maintaining your worth?

In order to maintain and define your worth you must have a self- love. You must be able to understand the person you are and be completely happy with whom you are. If this isn’t in place anyone can come in and alter the way you think and the things you take part in. If you have love for yourself there isn’t much that you will be willing to shift on. Be patient with finding love. A healthy and prosperous love is going to take you having alone time and understand there is NOTHING wrong with being picky when you know you aren’t the basic women. Be choosey,

Be Picky and assert yourself because you want a man the appreciates and isn’t intimidated by all that you are because all that you are RIGHT.

Aura's interview about self love, motherhood and autonomy

Describe yourself: Captain of my destiny. Wonderfully complicated. Cultured Ratchet. Wild Flower. Habitual line stepper. Brilliant & Resilient. Boundaries-pusher all of all trades; master of none. Unapologetically flawed. Free thinker and spirit. Compulsive mind-changer. Committed to non-commitment. Wayward. Unconventional Lover. The one that got away.

Name/Alias, occupation, something interesting not many people know about you:

Aura, I'm currently a student, and I was born with club foot.

What are you most passionate about?

I'm most passionate about training my mind to live a happy life and go after what I want. I believe once you learn to master your mind, you can master your world. I'm also passionate about storytelling across all mediums: words, photography, art, dance, music, etc. Any and all forms of expression.

What did you have to overcome within yourself to be the woman you are today?

I overcame a lot, but I feel most people do. Sometimes simply existing takes a lot. Personally, I learned to embrace my mistakes and forgive myself for a lot. I learned to forgive others as well, because you forgive for yourself; not for others. I had to do a lot of forgiving in order to heal and move on. Additionally, I follow all of my interests, no matter how random they seem. Everything is connected: the things that excite you, your circumstances, your mistakes, lessons.....everything. 

What was one of the first acts you committed towards loving yourself and how do you practice self love daily?

Learning to love myself was accidental lol. I moved away for school, subsequently isolating myself. This changed me. I ached from being lonely, but once I embraced the pain, it strengthened me. I learned myself, my fears, my deepest desires and needs. I learned to cater to myself . I found what was missing and learned to properly fill voids. I learned that my happiness should not be dependent on other people. I learned to love myself. I practice self love by doing simple things. I watch what I put in my body, I watch the energy that surrounds me, I practice affirmations. Sometimes I might simply lounge around naked in a quiet home.

How did you grow to embrace your children as a teen mother?

I didn't bond with my kids right away. For me, it wasn't love at first sight. And it wasn't that I didn't love them, I was simply numb to life. Although everything always worked out, my earlier years weren't the easiest. My pregnancy was rough and I was lonely. I was 16, and suddenly was a parent to twins. Eventually though, they made me feel purposeful, and as time passed, they developed little personalities, and I fell in love.

Often, women's actions, images, self acceptance, etc. are policed, largely by patriarchal views. For women of color, this is more so and often met with violent opposition. What advice do you have for women who are too afraid to be themselves?

People will always have an opinion of you. No matter what. Women tend to shrink themselves in fear of judgment, but people will always develop opinions. To live your best life, you have to be comfortable doing whatever makes you happy, whenever it makes you happy. As long as you're honest with people, I suggest you go for it. You might hurt people a time or two. It's life. But always be upfront about being yourself. As we get older, we regret not doing certain things when we had the chance. It will always be that way, so do what you want to do. Keep being yourself until you meet someone who loves you for you. ALL of you.

What words do you have for men who impose these views on women?

Men need to get over themselves. So many men impose ideal gender expectations on women, but don't demand "appropriate" gender values of themselves. I'd tell men to read more feminist text or take a class in order to better understand. But men simply aren't interested in learning or understanding. These types of men are simply interested in what benefits them. At the very minimum, they should understand that women are actual human beings, not props for their entertainment and/or consumption.

How do you raise your sons to view women who may have what society deems as "undesirable" traits?

The best way I know to raise my sons to respect women regardless of their choices is by simply existing as myself. I'm open and honest about everything. When I decided to become a stripper, they were 11 and I had a conversation with them about it. No subject is too taboo, and I encourage give and take conversations. In doing this, I've de-stigmatized a lot for them, and broadened their perspective. This allows them to view the world in general with minimal judgment.

Do you have any advice for people who want to go back to school but are unsure of where to start due to their age, responsibilities, confidence, etc.? 

My advice for people who want to go back is to do what they can. If time or money is an obstacle, start by taking one class. The time will pass anyway, so you might as well just do it. I'm considered a "non-traditional" student, meaning I didn't attend college straight out of high school. I dropped out after birthing my twins in the 11th grade, and obtained my GED. I tried college at different points and failed. BMCC kicked me out twice due to failing grades. I was about 24 when I decided I was serious, and started with two classes. Eventually, I enrolled full-time and obtained my Associates before transferring to a four-year college. I have one more semester left, and I'll be graduating with a Bachelors in English Language and Literature. It's literally never too late to go back to school. People in their 80's are obtaining degrees. Start slow, and do what works for you. 

What is your legacy?

I'm currently figuring that out lol

Song that describes your mood at the moment?

"Blessings" by Big Sean and Drake

Dopest book you've ever read:

"Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill

and "Four-hour Workweek" by Tim Ferris

Top 5 things you'd want to take with you anywhere you go (non necessities).

Book, laptop, chapstick, coconut oil, paper/pencil

Social media:

IG: @AmazingAura

Twitter: @AmazingAura

Lada: I've been following Aura on social media for years and have always been inspired by her sense of adventure, confidence, humor and determination. Her pictures stayyyyyyyyyy lit lol but the captions are the realest.  Many times, women are ridiculed for their strong traits and our sense of autonomy is often policed. Aura reminds me to continue to be my authentic self, be raw, be true, all while having fun. HYPE when she agreed to do the interview lol. Thank you Aura!

Toni Santos's interview: Graduating College, Going To Grad School and Self Love

What are some struggle you've dealt with in the past four years while in college?

A lot happened in these four years. I lost friends and boyfriends that I thought I would always keep, which led to me isolating myself from the friends I had at school and at home. I was betrayed by many men that I thought I could make into good guys.  And I even hurt people due to the pain that was inflicted upon me. I wrestled with my faith and spirituality and on top of that, I was always worried about the health of my mother. But the main struggle that was hardest for me to overcome was my lack of self esteem. Surprisingly, school work was never the issue.

How did you began to overcome these struggles?

The first step of my self-healing process was learning how to stop blaming others. Most of the situations that I was experiencing started when I made the choice to put myself in those same situations. I had to understand that change starts with me. And with me understanding that, I started doing one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I had to forgive. Not only forgive the people who had wronged me but, forgive myself as well.

As for my self esteem, it took me a while to realize that I had been battling with it for a long period of time. I can admit that the only time I felt beautiful and or thought about was when I had a man in my life or when I was dressed up and had pounds of makeup on my face. However, with the help of friends and a lot of prayer I started to dwell more on characteristics that people could not see. For instance, my high spirits and my welcoming demeanor. I am not on the level that I wish to be on quite yet, but I’m so far from where I used to be and for that, I’m content for now.

Where does your source of strength come from??

My strength comes from God. I know how cliche that may sound, but it is the honest truth. Some days I find it very easy to be weak and I even think about giving up. But then I remove myself from all of the distractions around me and I start to open up my mind. That’s when I feel that God is trying to send me signs. There’s a sign in everything. I believe in that. I also believe that my strength comes from acknowledging that there is always a rainbow after a storm. Nothing bad lasts forever. I even got a tattoo over the summer to represent my optimism. “The pain you feel today is the strength you will feel tomorrow.” That is what I have to remember each time that I find myself about to give in or give up.

What makes you feel ready for the next phase of your life? (graduate school)

Whenever I start to think about life after graduation, I immediately see myself at Graduate School. It was not always my plan to go directly for my Masters after undergrad but when I did make it an option, I realized it was the only option that I had set for myself. After i was accepted into all of my choices, I kept asking God to place me where I needed to be and not where I wanted to be. It was important that my school be a place that I felt safe at and could continue to mentally grow. That is what helped me to make that choice. After that, every time that I thought about me being in Graduate School, I saw myself in SU. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I didn’t even notice until a friend pointed it out to me. After I signed and sent in my letter of intent to enroll, I was finally able to breathe for the first time since the process had started.

After that part was over, I started to get involved in other situations. I had promised myself that if I went straight for my masters, I would visit a different country before I started. That promise came true when I was informed that I was chosen to go on a service trip to Jamaica. Nothing could have prepared me for that. But as the days dwindle down and I get closer to smelling that jamaican air, I can’t help but to look up to the sky, smile and think “Alright God, I get it. Stop showing off.”

I am excited and anxious about this next phase of my life. For the first time, I am the one behind the wheel. I get to make the decisions for my life. At first it was terrifying, but thanks to the people who have helped groom me for this moment I am ready to jump in and finally start on the path to my career.

What do you love most about yourself?

What I love most about myself has to be my welcoming and accepting personality. Since I was younger, I always wanted to be that person that lights up the room when they enter it. I love those type of people that come in as if the sun was still shining on them. That’s how I strive to be in life. That is how I am going to stand strong in this world.

What insecurities did you have to overcome to be who you are today??

I had to understand that people are going to talk about me. No matter what I do, whether it's good or bad, someone is going to find a way to speak on it. I used to be a person that wanted everyone to like me. However, I realized that none of that mattered if I did not like myself. The Toni that I always wanted to be was strong, resilient, carefree, humble, and warm. It finally dawned on me that I couldn't achieve those characteristics unless I was comfortable with the idea of people’s opinions of me both good and bad.

However, one of my biggest insecurities was believing that I could not do the things that I wanted. But that was because self doubt is real. Its one of the most negative qualities that we carry within ourselves as we grow up because it's easy. It's easier to doubt than it is to get up and do the very thing that we’re doubting ourselves on. Nevertheless, that's a characteristic that I do not plan on keeping around. What I do plan on is being the bravest and most adventurous person that I can be.

Advice for people dealing with similar struggles as you.

Be thoughtful. Be sincere. Most importantly be yourself. I know that fear of letting people enter your life or even having to put yourself out there because you're scared that they might judge you or even take advantage of your heart. And you know what I say to that? Go for it. Whether you're ready or not, make that jump. Life is not easy. I learned that the hard way. But if life is going to be difficult, I am going to make decisions that make those bumps hurt a little less.

Lada: I met Toni while in college. A lot of people used to say that we had a lot of similarities and I couldn't see it lol. Though me and Toni are definitely two different people, I can definitely say that I am lucky to be likened to such a remarkable woman. She has grown so much and I am eager to see the amazing things she does next. Thank you for sharing TONT!

Sarah Harmatuk's interview on being adopted and what it means to overcome

Overcome. 

Overcome. (Oh-ver-khum) verb (used with object), overcame, overcome, overcoming. To get the better of in a struggle or conflict; conquer; defeat. To prevail over (opposition, a debility, temptations, etc.); surmount. To overpower or overwhelm in body or mind, as does liquor, a drug, exertion, or emotion. Overcome. (Oh-ver-khum) verb (used without object), overcame, overcome, overcoming. To gain the victory; win; conquer (Dictionary). Let me repeat the most important definition of overcome: To get the better of in a struggle or conflict; conquer; defeat, to gain the victory; win; conquer. Those were the only words I needed to hear. 

On any given day, there are nearly 428,000 children in foster care in the United States. In 2015, over 670,000 children spent time in U.S. foster care. On average, children remain in state care for nearly two years and six percent of children in foster care have languished there for five or more years. Despite the common perception that the majority of children in foster care are very young, the average age of kids in care is nearly 9. In 2015, more than half of children entering U.S. foster care were young people of color. While most children in foster care live in family settings, a substantial minority — 14 percent — live in institutions or group homes. In 2015, more than 62,000 children – whose mothers’ and fathers’ parental rights had been legally terminated – were waiting to be adopted. In 2015, more than 20,000 young people aged out of foster care without permanent families. Research has shown that those who leave care without being linked to forever families have a higher likelihood than youth in the general population to experience homelessness, unemployment and incarceration as adults. While states should work rapidly to find safe permanent homes for kids, on any given day children available for adoption have spent an average of nearly two years waiting to be adopted since their parental rights were terminated (Foster Care To Success).Why do these numbers hurt so much?  

According to the most recent research, less than 10 percent of foster youth graduate from college. 50 % of foster youth will complete high school by 18. 84% of 17-18 year old foster youth will want to go to college. However, only 20% of foster youth who graduated from high school will attend college and 2-9% of former foster youth will attain a bachelor’s degree (Foster Care To Success). So how did I become a statistic? On May 21st, 2017, I will become a part of the 2-9 percent.  

My mother’s parental rights were terminated three months after I was born. I was a ward of the state for 17 months. For 3 of these 17 months, I was a foster child. For the remaining 14 months, I awaited my adoption with a forever family. My adoption was finalized on April 17, 1997. Most people would think all of my problems would end there because I had a family. What was to come was nothing I could have prepared myself for. 

Unless adoption is something that you are talked to about, you don’t know about it until someone points it out. I remember being in elementary school and I pointed out my white brother to a classmate. “That’s not your brother” was the response. “That can’t be your brother. He’s white and you’re not”. What did that even mean? What was white in this context? White was a crayon color no one ever used, white was the color of the walls in the hallway and the snow that fell in December. “No. That’s Jack. That’s my big brother”. My first encounter with adoption. 

As I got older, it didn’t matter. No one cared, I didn’t care, it was never pointed out to me because I knew about it and so did my friends. It wasn’t until 6th grade when it was acknowledged again. “You dress like a white girl. You don’t have any gear” (If you don’t know what gear is, it’s a term referring to your clothes circa early 2000s. As a black youth who dressed “white” I didn’t have gear or the “appropriate clothes” for my "urban culture" I knew nothing about). This haunted me all school year. The same boy followed me around every day reminding me of how un-black I was. So at my elementary school, there was this stigma that if you were black, you were ghetto. You lived in the projects, you didn't care about school, you fought a lot and didn't care when they called your parents because they would come in and fight the teacher if need be. I didn't fit this stigma. I was calm, shy, pleasant and knew why I was at school and what I was there for and stuck to it. Everyone seemed to have a problem with that. How was I supposed to know this? My family was white, how were they supposed to know that was a standard I needed to live up to? There wasn’t. It was such a problem to everyone that I wasn’t "ghetto". I’m so sorry I couldn’t fit your expectation. My second encounter with adoption. 

This constant berating led to me on the path to private school, someplace where almost everyone was white and I thought I would feel like I fit in. I mean almost everyone. To this day I have never had a non-white teacher/professor. In my graduating class of 124, 8 of us were black. This was where I felt I belonged, or at least thought I did. My junior year of high school I finally asked about my adoption. My third encounter. I felt as though I was old enough. However, the whole situation was uncomfortable. My parents were and weren't on board with my inquiry. From the beginning my dad didn't seem to mind. My mom however didn't like to talk about it and wouldn't until I was 18 and no longer needed her signature to do it. So I gave gave up on that. On June 2nd, 2013, I became a statistic. I was a part of the 20% of American foster children, both current and former, to graduate high school. This wasn’t because my family was white and “white kids always graduate”, it was because I wanted to. Sometimes I think people forget that I do make my own decisions based on what I want for myself.  Now that I'm older, it still seems like it stings my mom a little and she always says for me to not get my hopes up because my mother may not want to meet me. I know she's just looking out for me but I'm willing to take the risk.

Freshman year of college, I had a period of worry about my health. I began to realize that I didn’t know my medical history, and this was my fourth and last encounter with adoption. I began to search for my birth mother through my state health department. Nothing. This was a result of my closed adoption. All information is a secret and kept a secret. I was able to get some non-identifying information and it made me hate my adoption for the first time. I learn that my mother was 22, one year older than I am now, only high school educated. My father, non-existent. He left the minute he found out she was pregnant. I’m a bastard, he’s what I now consider a sperm donor. You win some and you lose some. His loss.  

Knowing this made me angry. Angry at him, angry at my family, angry at the world. My behavior changed. Was this because of my angry or was the predisposed? I knew I needed to do something to better myself. The summer before junior year, someone who I thought was my best friend asked me why I was “hanging out with so many black people all of a sudden”, as if they didn’t realize that I was black too. I had finally reached my breaking point. I was tired of people thinking it was there job to point out my adoption or think it was ok to tell me that I was less than. My parents would never know but I even had teachers tell me that my background would limit my success. Limit my what? Never, I wouldn’t allow it. Junior year of college, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Up to 80 percent of children in foster care have significant mental health issues, compared to approximately 18-22 percent of the general population. Specifically,  15.3 % of foster alumni have Major Depressive Episodes as compared to the 10.6% of the general adult population, 11.4% have Panic Disorder as compared to the 3.6% and 9.4% have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as compared to the 5.1%. At this time in my life, I figured this was all just a result of being adopted. I thought that because I knew, I was make these changes subconsciously, as if being adopted had anything to do with it. It may have and it may not have. 

Now that I am a senior, I began to take control of myself. I was re-diagnosed after months of still being unhappy and uncomfortable with myself and was labeled Bipolar I. I began to learn and understand that a lot of this has nothing to do with me as a person, I was predisposed. I’ve learned to take all of the pain I’ve felt and bottled and turn it into fuel for what I want to do with my future because I will be successful no matter what anyone else says. I’m going to graduate on May 21st, 2017 with a bachelor’s of science in Psychology and with a concentration in both general education grades 1-6 and special education grades 1-6. I will hopefully be attending Florida State University for my masters in early education in the fall. I am a part of the 2-6% of former foster youth to graduate with a bachelors and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. I couldn’t have done it without believing in myself and wanting more than just a foster kid label for myself. I have overcome.

Lada: I was so happy that Sarah decided to share this piece with us. This is such a powerful interview because for so many reasons. As an adopted child myself, it has really been eye opening and has made me realize that I too, have overcome. Thank you Sarah =)

Waaik Collier - Perrin's interview about mental health

Hello, my name is Waaik Collier-Perrin. I'm 25, and I'm an audio engineer. My hobbies consist of spending time with family/friends, as well as, creating and finding new music. My goals are creating a business in the entertainment industry, opening a recording studio, and employ my friends and family. 

What was your first experience mental health?

My first experience dealing with mental health was this past August when I was laced with K-2, causing me to have psychosis and schizophrenia. This experience led to me being detained and hospitalized at Albany Medical Center, where I became more educated on what a mental disorder actually is.  

How has that impacted your life and who you were before your experience?

This experience impacted my life by revealing and bringing to my realization that I had suppressed traumatic experiences that were taking a toll on my mental health. I look at life differently now. I used to be the one to tell people to "suck it up" and deal with your problems, but now I am more informed and aware that the answer to people's problems aren't always that simple. I've learned that everybody has a different reality that they are dealing with, and what may work for me may not work for you. I've been sober since my incident, which has given me a new found clarity. I've grown closer to my family and friends whom were and continue to be by my side through my whole experience. 

4) How did people around you respond?

The people around me were frightened, and for good reason, because I ended up putting people around me in physical danger with my actions while I was dealing with psychosis. They hadn't dealt with anyone in the state I was in before, so it was all a new experience for everyone involved. 

Studies have shown that there are many disparities within the black community compared to whites and mental health. What are your views on mental health within the black community?

I feel that mental health in the black community is something that needs to be explored and treated. It is as if being mentally ill is "taboo" in the black community, which I believe is due to us dealing with the historic traumas from slavery and present traumas on a constant basis. We end up becoming numb to it and develop that "suck it up" mentality. No other culture has endured the traumas, trials and tribulations that black people have endured, not only in the US, but globally. That fact alone should be the "green light" for the black community to explore the issue, unfortunately that is not the case. And the factors which play a role in that are lack of resources and education in the black community, which is a whole other conversation in itself. 

What are some self-care techniques you practice?

Some self-care techniques I utilize are meditating, keeping a balanced and healthy diet, communicating my feelings with someone I trust, and being mindful. What I mean by being mindful is living life moment to moment, not stressing to much about the past or future. These are DBT (Dialectical Behavior Training) skills that I picked up on my journey to recovery, and feel that people should look them up.

What advice do you have for people who are nervous about seeking mental health services? Especially black men?

My advice to people nervous about seeking mental health is to go in with an open mind, and not with the thought that your diagnosis is who you are or who you will be, because it's not. It's ok to be vulnerable.  Look at it as a journey to discovery about yourself. Also, be your own self-advocate. 

What are some suggestions you have for mental health practitioners:

Some suggestions I have for mental health practitioners are to watch out for misdiagnoses, things aren't always black and white, and listen to your patients without bias. 

Top 3 Artist: Michael Jackson, Curren$y, Erykah Badu

Top 3 Books: "Your Mind Can Heal You," by Fredrick Bailes, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad," by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter, and "48 Laws of Power," by Robert Greene

What was your Motivation behind the mouthin’ off podcast?

The motivation behind the Mouthin' Off Podcast was to create a platform that allows millennials to congregate, exchange ideas and opinions on pressing issues of the world, as well as have a little fun while doing so.

Check them out below:

https://soundcloud.com/themouthinoffpodcast

mouthinoffpodcast@gmail.com

thelyfeent2014@gmail.com

Quote that you live by?

A quote I live by is "Live Young Fearlessly Everyday" by The Live Young Fearlessly Everyday LLC

Lada: I met Waaik while being featured on the mouthin off podcast. I appreciated how open he was about his experience with mental health and how he advocated for people of color to receive proper mental health services. I hope that when people read this interview, they will be inspired to seek services and those who struggle to be open about their experience can be encouraged. Thank you Waaik.

Check out my feature on the mouthin off podcast here:

http://www.aladalove.com/mythoughts/2017/2/14/lada-the-hood-therapist-on-mouthin-off

Aqilah Elshabazz-Palmer's interview about self love

Describe yourself.

My name is Aqilah Elshabazz-Palmer. I'm 22 years old and I am majoring in Health and Exercise Science. I want to help people get healthy! I want to help people be the best and healthiest versions of themselves so they can decrease their chances of poor health related illnesses. Hopefully after I finish undergraduate school, I can do some personal training to save up for graduate school (and because I love it), where I plan to achieve my dual doctorate and masters in Chiropractic and Acupuncture. 

What is self love to you?

Self love to me is being content with yourself but being comfortable enough with yourself to notice when you're becoming too comfortable, or beginning to settle. You also have to be selfish at times, not with complete disregard for others, but you have to make sure you are doing what makes you happy. 

How do you practice self love?

I practice self love by doing things that I love. This helps me not lose myself in life. I make sure I take time out for family and friends, for working out, doing martial arts, my music. When I am doing things I love and spending time with those I love, I'm at my happiest. Feeding off of other peoples energy and surrounding yourself with positivity and others who lift you up, can help you realize your potential and frankly how awesome you are when you really need it.  I definitely need to keep working at it, but I'm getting better.

What are you most passionate about and why?

My religion and my loved ones. The two intertwine. My religion is more of a way of life, you have to constantly practice it throughout the day. My loved ones keep me focused. They both serve as a compass at times when I feel lost and I honestly don't think I would be the person I am without either one of those parts of my life.

 Is there anything about you (gender, race, religion, etc.) that has motivated you to be who you are?

Honestly all of the above. Being a black, female, Muslim has definitely shaped the way many people have perceived me before even getting to know me and I've always tried my best to challenge any negative views others have had of any of those parts of me. In a way, other people’s negative views as well as the positives have definitely made me strive to be the absolute best me I can be, not just for me, but for anyone falling under those three categories. 

What events in your childhood and adolescence has helped to shape your idea of self love?

Bullying definitely. I was definitely different than most of those around me growing up and it made me very self conscious. I feel like that lack of self-confidence as well as being different made me an easy target and I didn't do much to stop it. Until I started to really and unconditionally love myself for who I was. I began to realize that everybody has quirks or "perfect imperfections", they're what makes you, you.

Another large one was Kung Fu. I was one of the only girls and the youngest in my class and just terribly shy. My training brothers and my Sifu definitely broke me out of my shell. They pushed me and trusted me with certain responsibilities that, in turn, made me trust in myself. Pushing myself to new limits was and still is uncomfortable, but the self-confidence I've gained through Kung Fu has definitely made me appreciate and love myself more.

What are some things you've had to overcome within yourself to reach your success?

I'm very indecisive and never really trusted myself. These are probably still my two biggest obstacles to this day, but some of my best experiences in life have been because I just ignored those two traits and took a leap.

Who has helped to motivate you through difficult times?

God firstly, my parents, my best friends and my boyfriend. They know me better than anyone and show me/tell me exactly what I need to hear when I need to see/hear it.

What are some things you do to keep yourself on track in the face of difficult times?

I pray. Prayer is one of the first things I do when I am faced with a tough situation because honestly, some things are just out of your control. In hand with prayer, I also meditate to help calm myself down and clear my head. Then I plan. I plan as much as I possibly can to tackle the given situation and then give it up to God.

College students face a lot of adversity, especially when it comes to balancing themselves and their responsibilities. You wrote a Facebook status about the lack of self care college students face. What are some of the struggles they face and what advice do you have for college students who are overwhelmed?

Since I have been in school I've noticed how much stress we as students deal with. The pressure to outperform our peers and outperform our previous marks or grades -if not handled correctly-can lead to anxiety, depression,  and weight gain as well as substance abuse. I can understand all of them but there are ways to prevent them. I just feel like many students were not given the tools to take care of themselves in a way that maintains their physical, social, mental, and emotional health. Sometimes students get so absorbed into school and family life, extracurriculars, work or all of the above, that they forget to take care of themselves. As a result, they begin to feel the need to resort to study drugs to stay on top of their work, or skip meals, take something to "help them relax", stop working out, or isolate themselves to focus on studying. I feel like our generation lacks balance. The advice I would give to students who feel overwhelmed would be honestly to just stop and breathe. You need "you" time and not you in your room with your books. I mean get back to that hobby you used to love. Call a family member or a friend that radiates good vibes. Drink some Tea! Go for a walk. Hit the gym for 30-45 minutes . Oh, or a scary one ..take a nap. You're body needs recovery time and you can only function if you take care of it. A strong mind needs a healthy and strong body to operate at its maximum potential. If you want to be the best you you can be, take care of yourself and you'll see the progress.

Lada: I met Aqilah back in college. I always appreciated her humor, delightful presence and her optimism. Her daily posts are uplifting and her word of advice for college students are pivotal to their success. Thank you Aqilah for this amazing interview!

Sheakira Perry - West's interview on self love and motherhood

What are you most passionate about? 

I am most passionate about being the best mother that I can be, the best role model despite circumstances and the best provider. I want to be the best me that I can possibly be and push myself every day. My other passions lie in helping others (just the mom in me) and encouraging them to reach their goals as well. I love writing and one day I aspire to write a book, which is my passion that I am not currently pursuing, because, well I’m a mom!

People have many different reactions to pregnancy. Culturally, it is assumed that one must be happy upon hearing news about pregnancy. Many mothers don't always feel that way immediately.  How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant? Were there mixed emotions?

I didn't have the "I didn't know I was pregnant moment" because I planned my child. I think this may be the first time that I openly admit that my child wasn't an accident because for a long time I have been ashamed of my choice to bear a child at the young age of 17. Moreover, I knew my mother would kill me. When I found out that I was pregnant I was excited. It wasn't until I got into my second trimester did I start feeling things such as nervousness, and guilt. There were many days during my pregnancy in which I didn't eat because of my living arrangements at the time. This made me feel incompetent as a mother. Man, I didn't feel great during my pregnancy but somehow I kept a smile on my face. 

How has motherhood changed your life? 

Well for one, I haven't slept since the night before I gave birth. Sleep is now a luxury lol. But on a more serious note; motherhood has changed me in many ways. Change for the good, the bad and ways that I couldn't even imagine prior to becoming a mother. One way that motherhood has changed me for the good is that it is so relational. Being a mother has empowered me and has given me a voice I never knew existed because I can no longer stay silent. Motherhood has turned me from a girl into a woman in such an accelerated pace. Motherhood has encouraged and motivated me to complete my goals because there are little people watching and depending on me. Being a mother has shown me what it feels to have a ray of sunlight in a cloudy world and has made me the most important person to one person. Motherhood has filled a void I didn’t even know existed in me.  Now for the ways motherhood have changed me in a negative way... Motherhood has made me selfless, so selfless that on many days I forget to care for myself, to sleep, to eat. I am so busy being mommy, that sometime I forget to be Sheakira the person who enjoys the things that I previously enjoyed. Motherhood has also made me more fearful of the world that we live in and the choices that are made around me. 

What are some hardships you've faced in relation to motherhood? What are some joys? 

The biggest challenge I face in relation to motherhood is self-care as I spoke about in the question above. I always go above and beyond for my daughter and at times that's at the expense of myself. I have also faced financial hardships, hardships around having time to spend with my child and hardships around completing school. Being a mother isn't at all easy, however the joys that come with being a mother make it all worth it. Seeing my daughter's smile and the enthusiasm that she has for me is uplifting. Also just seeing her grow everyday with the values that I instill into her is fulfilling. Spending time with someone that looks up to you is also a joy.

How do you instill love of self in your daughter? Does her gender, ethnic identity, creed, etc. play a role in her idea of self-love? 

Self-love. This is something that I have struggled with immensely growing up even till this day. What I can say is that I try my best to model self-love (of myself) for my daughter. What does it actually look like to love myself? Whatever that means to me, I do it. Taking myself out, positive self-talk in the mirror (don’t judge me lol) or appreciating my natural attributions (loving my skin color, my natural hair etc.). The biggest thing that I do is try to take care of myself by being a healthy individual, mentally and physically. She watches everything that I do. Frequently, I praise my daughter about the things that she does like help others, when she’s kind and using her manners and tell her how grateful I am to be her mother. I rarely complement her on things that can be measured, like intelligence and looks although I do let her know that she is amazing the way she is. Sometimes I ask her “Mya, what are some of the things that you are proud of and like about yourself?” I also tell her that everyone was made differently and differences are great, appreciating diversity is key to me. Being an African American girl that notices other young girls with long straight hair, I talk to her about how she feels about that and I reinforce that her hair is great as well the way it is! This is not something that is just said, I also try to limit the amount of time I change her curls (straighten her hair) because I do not want to send mixed messages.  Being a mother to a African American in a society that is extremely tough on women and sexualize them, it is hard to form a solid concept of self-love. When you turn on the TV you see what society deems is acceptable but I talk to my daughter about those things early on so that she is aware. She’s only 4 but we literally have conversations about everything, her concerns, her confusions, her thoughts, EVERYTHING!  Recently she has been struggling with the fact that I am darker than her and what that means in term of race. (Yeah, try breaking that one down for a 4 years old child).

Often times, in motherhood, children and their needs are put first. Has your sense of self been lost in motherhood? If so, how can you get it back?

Yes, I have definitely loss myself in the process of becoming a mother. But I am slowly trying to learn who I am again. What do I like to do on my spare time besides clean? What do I like to look at on TV besides Barney? For a longtime I honestly didn’t know the answers to these questions. I didn’t know who I was besides a mother. People would always ask me, tell me something about yourself and my only response would be that I am a mom to an amazing little girl. While I take pride in that I started to realize that I needed to learn about myself again and actually take time out of my busy schedule to do so. Furthermore being a mother can be so taxing, so draining and so giving. Many times we have this fallacy that as a mother you can’t care for your family and care for yourself at the same time. I have had that misconception for a longtime!  But a wise woman once asked me “If you were on a plane with your child and the plane crashed… the oxygen mask comes down but there is only one. Would you use it on yourself or your child?” I immediately exclaimed “my child no doubt!” But then she said something that made sense “If you automatically give it to your child and you die from lack of oxygen, who will care for your child and how much more longer will she survive?”. AT this moment it clicked, I HAVE no other choice but TO CARE for myself, TO TAKE CARE of myself, and to do the things that I did before she got here.

Is there anything about you, race, creed, gender, etc. that

1) Serves as a motivator to love yourself?

I love being a young, African American, women! I think that we are so beautiful, intelligent, diverse and encompass so much strength. Many times in society, I see African American women facing many untrue stereotypes but I see us rising through them all. I see us as the backbones to our families and that does inspire me to love myself.  I know that I am valued to my family and to my community, I just wish that once day society can value us just as much and I am hopeful that one day that will happen!

2) That serves as barrier to reaching your ideal levels of success? 

As stated above, Society doesn’t always paint a lovely picture of the young African American Woman. This translates into many facets in my life.  At school, there are those that assume I will fail. At work, I deal with being taken advantage of and not taken as seriously as some of my non-black, non-females counterparts. Being a mother who also fits the above description, there were many who tried to view me as the statistical young mother who turns out to be a welfare queen and wants nothing for her life. For a long time I tried to prove people wrong, but it wasn’t easy being that I was indeed a young African American mother living in poverty. There was a point in my life where I started downing my worth and what I could accomplish. I have been told that I was a selfish mother because I decided to go to school and that could have been time I could have been working a second job to better provide for my family.  I have been looked at crazy because I decided that I wanted to work towards getting my Ph.D instead of settling for some type of service job such as RN (no offense to my nurses, I love you all!). I am by no means where I want to be in terms to my level of success, however I am on the path and I am hopeful that I will get there if I continue to keep my goals aligned to who I am and what I want to be, and not to who I am told that I should be.

3) That inspires you every day?

What inspires me every day is the fact that I see other from my community flourishing and “making it out”. Working with people (children specifically) gives me hope and inspires me to let them know that they can accomplish any dream that they may have. It brings such joy to my heart to give back and let people learn from my path. Being able to empathize and relate to others and serve as a positive influence inspires me every day.

What advice do you have for parents in relation to caring for themselves while caring for their children?

The main piece of advice that I have for all parents in relation to caring for themselves while caring for their children is to give yourself a pat on the back! Being a parent is not easy and comes with lots of sacrifices, so thank you for always doing that! Please make time in your schedule for YOU TIME, because you deserve it! Listen to your favorite song, take yourself out on a date, read your favorite book. Whatever it is that makes you happy do it, and don’t feel guilty about it either! Take care of your health, especially your mental health. Our mental health is so overlooked but there’s nothing wrong for asking for help when you need it. I’ve done it, and you can to!

Lada: I met Sheakira at my summer job. She was always nice and helpful and I admired how encouraging she was to her beautiful baby girl. She is open about mental health and always down to uplift people regardless of what she is going through. I admire her strength and courage and was so glad she agreed to do the interview.

Diniqua Bell's interview about self love

1) What is self love to you?

Self love is accepting the person you are with flaws and all. It’s understanding that perfection does not exist.

2) What are some things that you do daily, to practice self love?

Honestly I don’t practice self love. But I am aware of the great person that I am. I know that my heart is pure and I am one of the most genuine, caring people that this world has in it. I love that more than anything about myself.

3) What are some hardships you've faced while learning to love yourself?

I don’t feel like I have never loved myself. I think I always have which is why I have always held myself with high regard.

4) You work with teen girls on empowerment skills, self esteem and college/job readiness through a program called girls to women, which you initiated at your job. What made you want to start the program?

I was in the group Girls to Women when I was in middle school. I remembered how beneficial it was to me around that time and I also remembered that a similar program was not offered in high school where I continued to face obstacles.  I remembered as a teen feeling alone, confused or angered by my daily struggles at the time. I remembered being curious and not having the answers to everything that was going on with me physically, emotionally and socially. Being in that state of mind can either make you or break you. My struggles MADE me but I watched daily how it broke my peers and as I work in a high school now it is breaking many of my girls. I want them to feel like they are supported and help guide them as they go through their own experience. I feel like if you have support it makes life just a bit easier.

5) As a child and adolescent, you went through hardships that were out of your control. How did you learn to control your circumstances? Why is it important to maintain control and not allow things to control you?

I never was able to control my circumstances till this very day things remain just as similar as they were when I were younger. My revelation came with seeing the cycle of unhappiness and complacence. I begin to understand that I had the power to control my emotions and my day to day and I released that power to others when I placed it in their hands to alter my character. It’s important to maintain control and not allow others to control you in order to maintain a healthy, prosperous, conscious life overall.

6) How did these hardships motivate you to become the woman you are today?

It motivated me because I knew I wanted better for myself. I did not want to be labeled or pitied because of ANYTHING. I hate stereotypes and assumptions based off of anything I did not personally create.

7) Why is it important for young women, especially, to have a positive outlook of themselves?

It is important because society has created false advertisement of who young women should be and what things they should do, and even how they should act. What is put out there is no reality to what young women face day to day. We as women tend to be more degraded in the media and public eye so with so many daggers in our backs it is of most importance at minimum we look at ourselves in a positive light.

8) Is there anything about you (gender, race, religion, etc.) that has motivated you to be who you are?

The reassurance from my friends and those I have adopted as family whether it be co workers or school officials. I have been told throughout life that I am important, that I matter and people love me for who I am no matter what mistakes I may or may not make.

9) What are some things you've had to overcome within yourself to reach your success?

I had to overcome constant disappointments from family and some friends.  I had to overcome the idea that people have the same heart as me and would treat me or do the things I would

do for them. Since I have over come that it has motivated me to do more and be better.

10) Who are your top 3 artists and why?

Keyshia Cole- Her life story is so raw and uncut. Her personality is laid back yet direct. I believe if I were to meet her we would have similar outlooks on life.  I am inspired about how much she has overcome with as many tribulations as she has.

Keke Palmer- She so open minded, free and fun. I love watching her snapchats and hearing her daily thoughts on life overall. She is one of the most Positive artist out and yet very overlooked.

Miguel-  His music is liberating. He is a free spirit and very quirky. He is underrated but SO talented.

11) Many people may be intimidated by a woman who is "self made" or has their own. What advice do you have for the person dating them? What advice do you have for the person that loves them?

Note that there was a process to the person getting to the point they are in there lives. That there was extensive work physically and mentally put in to assure they were okay without a partner. That the strength you sense is there but it’s there because it had to be. Life experience builds character. Look past the exterior and more on the interior. The self made women is the most sensitive, loving, caring but be the person she can trust in order for her to be vulnerable enough to let down the guard she created. It’s not going to be easy but anything that’s easy isn’t worthy.

11) Who has inspired you throughout your journey?

My best friend Lorenda. She has way more challenges thrown her way than I could fathom but she pushes past them all and stays motivated. She reminds me frequently enough that I am better, greater and deserving at the time I need the reminder. I feel like if she can make a way with the cards she was dealt there are no reason I can’t get over any of my setbacks.

12) What advice do you have for people who are afraid to step out of their comfort zone?

DO IT! Fear is whats holding you back. Life is about changing and adapting.

Lada: I've known Diniqua since 6th grade. She was my first best friend and one of my greatest motivators. We've been through so much together and helped each other grow up and through so many things. She is one of the strongest women I know and I'm always grateful to have her in my corner. Reading this interview was everything and I hope it brings all of you happiness and confirmation as it has done for me. Thank you Ms. Bell!

Muna Jeylani's interview about self love

What is self love to you?

Self love to me is making sure I’m the best me I can be at all times meaning that I am being mindful of who I am at all times and never letting anyone or thing take me out of my character and have me do something I won’t regret. It's being able to put my needs before my wants and accepting myself for who I truly am. Embracing and accepting my flaws and all which is hard to do, it’s working on trying  to be a better me everyday. I always joke and say who’s gonna love me if I don’t love me and who’s going to truly accept me if I don’t accept me and celebrate me.

How do you practice self  love?

Praying. To most people I don’t seem that religious or they don’t see me do it so to them it doesn’t look like it. The best part of that is I pray for me. I practice self love by spending a little bit of everyday even if it’s just for 5 minutes doing something I love. Whether it’s listening to music and singing from the top of my lungs, writing poetry or cooking. Being kind which is something I’m learning to do as a grow older, and celebrating the little things. It’s hard at times especially when suffering from depression and anxiety. There are days I just physically don’t have it together, and I feel like I’m a complete failure but I have my journal to look at. I try to write at least one good thing that has happened during the day to try to help me get it together and on the days I feel like I won’t make it, I go back and read all the good things.

Who or what has taught you about self  love in the most meaningful way ?

Knowing that I’m not perfect, and learning to accept me for who I am. I don’t think there is one person in particular who has taught me to love myself but it’s been a group effort, my family my close friends, those who put me down I feed of the energy people feed me. Also learning to be alone! Crying and letting out and all hurt that I may have held inside, and learning to be okay with me and who I am.

What is your passion and what drives  your passion?

My passion is writing and helping others find themselves. Especially with young girls and boys. I think that most times we forget that just like we are working to find ourselves, they are working to find themselves as well. We tend to make it seem like what they feel isn’t legit when in fact we’ve been in their positions when we were younger and the little problems we had made our world feel like it was crashing.

Is there anything about you (ethnicity,  religion, gender ) that motivates you to pursue your passion?

Absolutely , I am Somali- American Muslim women growing up in the US. I have many strikes against me. Especially with the political climates of today with a specific  “politician”  saying somalis are dangerous, might join ISIS etc. He adds to stereotypes on not only my ethnicity but also my religion. It may be discouraging to some but to me it’s motivates and pushes me to break all his comments.

Name a quote, saying, book, movie,  song lyric that describes your life.

“There’s only one you in the world so be the best  you you can be.”.  

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”– M. Scott Peck

What advice do you have for people who struggle with motivation?

It’s hard to be motivated and stay motivated, but take it one day at a time . You won’t get to where you need to go if you stand still. One step at a time, go at your own pace and don’t worry about what the people around you are doing. It’s also all mental what energy you put out to the world is what you get back, so keep positive vibes.  Don’t be afraid to be by yourself to think, talk out loud, let out your pains even if it’s to yourself because you need to be okay with the good, the bad, the ugly   within  yourself. When you learn the importance of you and your time you’ll be motivated to  do whatever it is that you truly want to do.

Muna is also raising money to go on service trip to El Paso, Texas. The Cristo Rey Border Immersion trip will take place in Juarez Mexico from January 12 – 21, 2017. This opportunity would allow me to learn about border issues, through shared learning experiences, work, and prayer. I believe it will be a great opportunity for me to learn about the issues that affect the lives of people living on the border between El Paso, TX and Juarez, Mexico.  This once in a lifetime experience would further my passion and career choice during my final semester as an undergraduate. Learn more and donate to her gofundme account by clicking on this link https://www.gofundme.com/a3-munas-border-immersion-trip

Lada: I met Muna during my time at LMC. She was an under class men and so passionate about her work. Her willingness to help and words of advice despite what she was going through always helped me in my times of difficulty. I adore her work with children and how selfless she is and know she will continue to do amazing things. Thank you so much Muna for this powerful interview.

Egypt Ufele Interview on self love and pursuing her passions

1) After facing bullying and being stabbed with a pencil, it can be very hard to see the positive qualities in yourself. How do you practice self-love?

Hurt people, Hurt people! My mom taught me to never fight back with anger. Positive thinking clears the mind and soul. 

2) What are some social justice issues you are passionate about?

My social justice issue is Body Shaming.  Body Shamingis everywhere and I am bringing awareness through Fashion.

3) What advice do you have for children and adults who have a hard time appreciating their bodies?

My advice is always know where you come from. I come from a family of African Kings & Queens and my destiny was mapped out from my ancestors. 

I appreciate my curves because it genetically identifies my Nigerian Culture. Love yourself and others will see your strength. 

4) Do you have any other passions or talents?

I am an excellent mentor & activists for children. 

My passion is being a chemist one day

5) Name a song/lyric that gives you confidence. 

Song /Lean on me! Lyrics Lean on me when your not strong I'll be your strength

6) Describe a hardship that you’ve overcome with creating Chubiiline? 

The hardship I have overcome is people taking me serious as a 11 year oldCEO.

7) Is there anything about you (race, gender, religion, etc.) that helps to motivate you

My life is motivated by who I am Egypt Ufele. Nothing can stop me but me. God is my strength and salvation.

8) Describe one of your happiest moments in creating Chubiiline?

My happiest moments was NYFW when every Model wanted too walk for me. 

9) What can we all do, as a society, to appreciate the diversity of our bodies? 

Society has come along way but stop assuming one size fits all. We are deverse from our families genetic make up.

10) Where do you hope to see Chubiiline in the next 5 years?

I see Chubiiline is a brand & my Legacy will contiune too grow to show a message that anything is possible. Chubiiline will be a household name & around the world. 

Lada: I've seen Egypt's story online and was amazed by her bravery and talent. I emailed Egypt's peoplesand was so surprised when they got back to me lo. She's been featured on CNN, TOday, pix11, and most TD jakes . She actually completed this interview while flying to his show! I wish Egypt continued success!

Genesis Nieves's interview on Mental illness, Post Partum Depression and Self Love

1) What is your experience with mental Illness?

Well, some people may think that children do not get stressed or depressed. That's not true. Since birth, I have been raised by my grandmother. My mother had me at 16 & my dad was about 18 so they were too young to care for me. Growing up I had everything I needed as far as food on the table, clothes on my back, a clean home. However, I always felt that something was missing. I was always sad and crying as a child. Especially at night. Mother’s day, father's day and holidays were very tough for me, as you can imagine the reason why! Me and my mom had a relationship but it wasn't a mother and daughter relationship. That's for sure. But I guess any relationship was better than none. I would cry sometimes in the school bathroom because I would see kids being dropped off by their mom's and although I APPRECIATE AND LOVE my grandmother, I still felt like something was missing. Me and my dad's relationship got better once he got on his feet. As a teenager I wasn't really allowed to go out anywhere because my mom getting pregnant at 15 scarred my grandmother and she was scared of the cycle repeating itself. All of these childhood emotions were building up in my head without being expressed and on March 15, 2009, my mom passed away due to complications from lupus. We all knew she was sick but had No idea she was that sick. That was the first time I've ever lost someone close to me and I still can't even describe the pain. I was 16 when she passed. She missed out on a lot times I needed her but I still missed her. I didn't know what to feel. How do I miss someone who was never really there? Then I felt guilty because I did bad mouth her when I was hurt from her absence.. And the way I missed her, I didn't want my grandmother to think I didn't appreciate her. I was still very in denial and I did not seek psychological help after which I deeply regret. I think that's the biggest mistake most of us make. We think we'll get over it on our own. Growing up I went through all of these emotions alone and I suffered immensely! Why? Because I didn't speak about it.

2) What stigmas have you encountered in relation to mental health?

Oh boy.. So many stereotypes. Especially in my community. I was born and raised in the Bronx in a Hispanic household and very ethnic neighborhood. In my house, my grandmother didn't really believe in seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist. I think it's because of how she was raised. This all goes back to our grandparents and great grandparents. Growing up, if I would tell my grandmother that I was really sad and I would be in tears, she'd say "go clean or something, it'll go away". Or she would say if I go to a therapist or psychiatrist, they're going to "put me away somewhere or place me in a mental institution". I used to believe her which is why I kept everything to myself. I don't think she realized the damage she caused but I also don't think she did it on purpose. Again, it goes back to our grandparents and great grandparents. That was the stigma I had to hear and experience at home. Imagine from friends, family and strangers. I've heard all types of ignorance. "If you see a therapist, you're crazy" - "if you take pills, you're psycho" - "therapy is for weak minded people".

Who has helped you through difficult times? Who has supported you through the happy times?

I could honestly say the father of my 2 children. It took him a very long time to understand what I was feeling but he never LEFT. Most men aren't MAN ENOUGH to deal with a broken woman who suffers from a mental illness, who isn't motivated, who doesn't want to get out of the bed on certain days, who cries for everything. And of course my therapist and psychiatrist who I've been seeing for 3 years! It's very hard to open up to strangers but then realized that they were there to help me and not judge!

3) What are some difficulties people face from their friends and family while seeking mental health services?

If you are a person who is mentally ill, not having a good support system can break you! Sometimes our friends and family are just too busy with their own lives and their own issues and we have to accept that. I used to feel that I wasn't good enough or my problem wasn't serious enough for some people in my life to be there for me, but some people really couldn't or didn't have time. & friends don't last forever and that's just facts. I have about 3 friends I've had for YEARSSSS and they've been supportive even with their own issues.. However, friends like that don't come around often. If you don't have a support system then you make one. The sad reality is, sometimes your support systems are your doctors. They offer group therapy and maybe you can befriend someone who is going through something similar to you.

4) Has having children effected your outlook on mental health?

Absolutely. I had my first child at 19 years old. When I was pregnant, I was warned that because of my depression and anxiety I grew up with, I might have a chance of having post-partum depression. The word that stood out to me was "depression". I said to myself "oh please I've dealt with depression for most of my life.. This isn't going to do anything worst to me".. Boy was I wrong..

5) A lot of people assume Motherhood is a happy, wondrous experience filled with love and excitement. However, that is not always true. There are more than 3 million reported cases of Post-Partum depression a year.  What was your experience with Post-Partum depression? How did the people around you react?

When my daughter was born, I didn't have that "love at first site" feeling that you hear about or see on television. I felt very detached. I was happy that I finally got to see the life that was hiding in my belly for 9 months but I didn't feel my happiest. The nurses were very helpful being that I was a young first time mother. Once I got home and walked through my door, I instantly felt like my heart sank to my stomach. I had family waiting for us to come from the hospital and it was a surprise. I was very overwhelmed. I locked myself in my room and refused to come out. I told my aunt and my kids father that Idk what's wrong with me but I'm very scared and sad and I don't want to come out of my room.. For the first few weeks of her life I was still feeling detached, smothered, scared.. When she would cry, I would cry. I didn't want to hold her and I didn't want anyone else coming over or holding her. I couldn't eat or drink anything, I lost a lot of weight and hair.. I never got help because again growing up I was always told that if you go seek mental health, you'll be "put away somewhere". & to top it off, I would hear these stories about women killing their newborns and having hallucinations and I was scared that if I reported what I was feeling, they would take my baby away from me and put me away. Once she was about 3 months, the symptoms got milder.. I didn't seek help until she was 9 months. Yes, I waited 9 months to see someone. They reassured me that they would never take her away from me unless I felt like harming her or myself. They would have treated me with meds, which I was also scared of. I thought medication would change me or my way of thinking.. or possibly make me "crazy". Not true at all.

6) Our mental health does affect how we treat ourselves. Do you practice self-love and if so, how do you?

I try my best to show myself self-love but it's very hard. Especially when you have an illness and insecurities. I have my days where I get all dressed up, and feel beautiful. Then other days I feel like it's no use and I feel terrible about myself. It's a process and I'm only 24.

7) Why do you advocate for mental health services?

I advocate for it strongly because I know what it's like to feel lost, alone, confused, in the dark, unmotivated, scared, all at once! I want to let people know that they are NOT alone and if they've been told things like "therapy and meds are for crazy people". I'm here to say THAT IS NOT TRUE. I would worry more about people who've never been to a session once in their life. We are in crazy times in this world, so if a person says they've never been stressed in their lives, they're lying. I'm just regular Genesis from the Bronx, I'm not famous nor am I rich but all I can do is try my best to help those who need someone to talk to or guidance. I have had a few people reach out to me and ask me about their symptoms and it is not a bother AT ALL. It makes me feel good to help others with either questions or while they're in a crisis.

8) What are your top 5 songs that you turn up to when you're feeling yourself?

LOL. "..Cash money taking over for the '99" haha.

1. All the way Up
2. Bruno Mars - 24k magic
3. A boogie - this is my sh**
4. Twenty one pilots - ride
5. Rihanna - consideration

9) What advice do you have for people:

Who struggle with mental health issues?

My advice for people who suspect they have an illness, if you have to question it then you've answered your own question.. even if you might not have a history of depression and you're just going through something in life that is stressing you out such as a divorce or loss, go to a few sessions to help you get through it. They're so many workshops and tools out there but they won't come to you if you don't speak. And don't be prideful!

Who know people who struggle with mental health issues??

To those who suspect their family member or friend is suffering with mental illness, urge them to seek help and reassure them that they're not alone and can always count on you! Do not judge them or make them feel like they are being dramatic or doing it to themselves. Mental illness is usually stemmed from a chemical imbalance so it is really not their fault. If they are having a violent episode or you think they're in danger of hurting themselves or others, please call someone. Don't worry about them being upset with you because once they feel better they'll forgive you, hopefully.

For Drs., Therapist, Social Workers who work with people with mental health issues?

One thing I would advise the medical/psychological field to work on is helping with child care during appointments/visits. A lot of times, I've had appointments and had no babysitter so I had to reschedule. Other than that I don't really have advice for them.

- sidebar, I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder at 17 after a bad experience with weed. Depression at 19. I stopped going to therapy and stopped my meds for a while because I felt better. That's one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Because the symptoms can come back and come back stronger! I went back at 22 after a major depressive episode, I've been in therapy and taking meds ever since. That is a process in itself. It takes a while to find the right medications that work for you. After 2 years of being on a certain medication at its highest dose and not seeing results, I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. They switched my medication and I've seen huge improvement! I still have my ups and downs & I'm a rollercoaster, but I'm much better and will continue to get better as long as I am on top of my mental health. Just like a diabetic needs their insulin, mental illness needs to be treated as well!

- I hope I helped someone with this!

Lada: Genesis and I attended the same elementary school and were pretty cool. We reconnected on Facebook and I've been so inspired about how transparent she is about mental illness and some of the difficulties she has faced in her lifetime. I believe it is important for people, especially people of color, to see success from people who look like and have gone through similar experiences. Healing is possible and Genesis's story is a record of that. Thank you so much Genesis, this was so powerful and you are appreciated.

Anonymous.

"I've had to learn to love myself more everyday"

Check out her amazing interview on Huffpost below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/khoudia-diop-model-bullied_us_580fa043e4b001e247dec5d0?#comments

self love is the best love

Fiorela Alberto's interview about self love

Describe what self love is  to you? 

To me, self love is getting in touch with your inner self and mainly focusing on your well being and happiness.

What are some ways you practice self love? 

I practice self love by listening to happy cheesy music, looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that I'm beautiful, buy some things I feel I deserve for working hard and being a good girl, wear makeup (but remind myself that the best makeup is being confident and smiling) & lastly being surrounded by positive people who really support me and loves me.

Are there any hardships you've faced while loving yourself ? 

While dealing with depression, there we're hardships I've faced while trying to love myself. While I was practicing self love, I was dealing with a long term relationship back in Oklahoma and my ex-mate was always stressing and not understandable. Whenever he sees me in a good mood, it's like he finds ways to put me down. There were times where I wanted better days for myself and for him but it was difficult because it was either keep making myself happy & try to move on or just stay miserable while making him happy and I didn't want the 2nd choice, so I decided to spread my wings and fly back to NYC. However thought there were many doubts, many negative thoughts, overthinking, and also at one point I swallowed prescriptions because there were days where I just didn't want to live.

Describe a turning point in your life that helped to shape your ideas on self love.

I was 25 years old and I remembered praying to God to please help me love myself again. This happened after I left that toxic relationship that lasted for about 5 years. I felt very vulnerable, empty and hollow. Here I am sitting on a toilet pleading God to help me and after that, I finished praying and it felt good. I began to cry alone and reminisce about the good things I've done in life, thoughts of my mother and my younger siblings and thoughts of people who find me inspirational and always comment that I'm strong. Then I began by telling myself "Fiorela you can do this you can love yourself again. Don't give up just because the men in my past including my father didn't provide me enough love doesn't mean I can't love myself." Then from there I decided to stand up, stop crying and begin a new chapter of loving myself the next day. It wasn't easy but sure it wasn't hard either. In the end, it took courage and days for me to actually change myself and fall in love with myself again.

Who are some people who have motivated you to love yourself (negatively or positively) 

I have to say, My mother, my cousin Soledad, my teacher Ms.Rosa, and my pastor, Janet.

What advice do you have for someone seeking to practice self love? 

Believe me and others when we say that "we cannot change overnight" because you will not love yourself overnight or even transform into the person you want to become. Take a risk and take time on yourself, do not rush to self love for any man or anyone in particular. Just know that you're doing this to better yourself and for others to love you and respect you for you. Know yourself, know your worth and know what makes YOU happy and complete in your life. 

Name a person, famous or otherwise who have taught you about self love.  

My pastor Janet. Thanks to her I couldn't have done it on my own. Because of her, she taught me to be more loving, positive, fun, judge free and more real. She's an amazing trustworthy woman who will find ways to understand you and make you smile and love yourself & life again. 

Lada: I met Fiorela in High School. She has always been a happy go lucky person and I am always inspired by the fact that she keeps a smile on her face despite any hardships. I believe that her strive for self love and stepping into who she truly is wonderful and is worthy of sharing. Thank you for being so thorough Fiorela! 

You can add Fiorella on Facebook to check out her Make Up Artistry.

A lesson in self love

Moriah Roberts's Interview on Self Love

 Describe what self love is, to you.

To me self love is the ability to embrace and appreciate all your flaws, imperfections, all the amazing things about you, and even the bad parts about you unapologetically.


What are some ways you practice self love?

First and foremost, I start of by trying to maintain a healthy relationship with God. I didn’t know what it meant to love myself until I first loved him. I also like to treat myself to something special like getting my feet done and going shopping. Lastly, I make sure I spend some quality time with myself. I could just sit at home or I decide to go out and see what the city has to offer, either way I do it alone or I’ve learned how to enjoy my own company. I’m lit.

Is there any hardships you've faced while loving yourself?

Yes of course. Self love was never easy for me. I’ve been on this earth for 2 and a half decades and I am now finally understanding the concept of fearlessly loving myself flaws and all. I always thought that if I fix all of these imperfections, loss weight, get prettier, etc., then I’ll be worthy of love. I realize that’s its ok to love who I am now, while working on who I want to be.
 

Describe a turning point in your life that helped to shape your ideals on self love.

Truthfully speaking, it took losing a relationship to change my views on self love. Once that relationship ended,I looked at myself in the mirror and was finally able to see me. It was like my vision had been blurred for so long because I focused on boldly loving the people around me and never myself. I finally saw how much I have neglected and devalued myself for the sake of other people. At that moment I realized the first person, besides God, who should have received the love I so freely gave out was me.

Is there anything about you (gender, religion, etc.) that inspires your view of self love?

Ultimately my faith is what keeps inspiring my views of self love. God’s love for me, for all of us, is absolutely unconditional. He loves our short comings, temperaments, talents, everything. And if God can love me as I am, then I can love me too.

Who are some people who have motivated you to love yourself? (negatively or positively)

Well, God of course and my mom. My mother showed the importance of valuing myself. From something as simple as keeping a clean apartment, to what I tolerate from people, to how I carry myself in public and in private, these all expression of self love that I need to practice daily.

What advice do you have for someone seeking to practice self love?

Falling in love with yourself can be such a beautiful thing when you let it happen. It’s ok to not have it all together. It’s ok to not even fully like what you see when you are looking at yourself. Nevertheless, you are still capable of loving yourself as the working progress you are and the beautiful master piece you will eventually become. Once you start to love yourself you’ll start to see that all those imperfections that you did not like about yourself before are actually important features that makes you uniquely designed and beautiful.

How can we, as a culture, promote self love and engage in its acceptance?

We must stop knocking down those who do know what it is to practice self love. We must acknowledge the fact that there is a huge difference between being cocky and being confidence. Self love is about showing self-confidence. It seems that in this day in age that is such a rare concept. The best way for us to promote self love is to continue to be blatant examples of self love.

LADA: I've known Moriah since our time at LMC and it has been great to witness her growth. She's selfless and a true role model. She encourages me to love myself and strive for dopeness. As she said, she's lit. Thank you so much Moriah!

Sarah Harmatuk Interview about Self Love

Describe what self love is to you? 

To me, self love isn't anything in particular. It isn't necessarily definable and maybe that is just due to my age. I think if I had to try to find a way to describe it, it would be knowing myself and being able to accept who I am fully. Until you find acceptance with yourself, how can you be comfortable loving yourself?

What are some ways you practice self love? 

I have just recently started to practice in self love. I think from freshman year of high school to freshman year of college, I was just going along with the motions of life. It wasn't until my sophomore year of college that I realized that I didn't love who I was or who I was becoming and I needed to change that. I spent junior year finding myself with the help of my boyfriend and the family I found in a club on campus. I began to soul search more, speak up on what was bothering me, and learning to accept that I can't fix or change everything. Once I was able to come to terms with this, I was able to begin to love myself.

Is there any hardships you've faced while loving yourself? 

The biggest hardship I have faced while loving myself is coming to terms completely with my adoption. I experienced bullying in elementary school, anger in high school and heartache in high school. When I was 16, I wanted to look into my adoption and my mom said no. When I was a freshman, I thought I had found a tumor and it caused me to want to explore my adoption that much more. With this came a lot of anger and heartache because I didn't expect to learn what I did. I felt anger knowing my biological father, or sperm donor as I call him, left my mother the second he found out she was pregnant. I felt heartache knowing my mother was 22 years old and spent 3 months contemplating whether or not she wanted to terminate her parental rights.

Describe a turning point in your life that helped to shape your ideals on self love.

I think the turning point that shaped my ideals on self love was when my boyfriend moved to Florida for college junior year. I had to learn that communication was the key to continuing our happiness. I was so use to falling back on him when I needed to feel loved or needed to know how to love myself and eventually I had to be able to do this on my own.

Who are some people who have motivated you to love yourself (negatively or positively?) 

My boyfriend is probably the number one person who has motivated me to love myself. My parents and siblings also have. I had a friend who was my best friend since 7th grade and she constantly made comments about me being black or who I hung out with because they were black. She made me hate being black for a long time.

What advice do you have for someone having a hard time loving themselves? 

Trust in yourself. Find what makes you happy and make that a passion. Open yourself up to someone who loves you and allow them to teach you to love yourself the same way. They can see what you can’t.

Name a person, famous or otherwise who have taught you about self love.  

Beyoncé has taught me about self love from the very beginning because I think she is an extremely inspiring person. I also think J. Cole and Drake have helped me a lot because their lyrics speak to me. Currently, Alicia Keys has been the biggest inspiration because her no makeup campaign shows how well she can love herself for herself.

Is there anything about you (gender, ethnicity, creed, etc.)  that has been a driving motivator in loving yourself or that may have hindered self love?

Now being able to love myself, I have found comfort in being African American and the beauty that comes with it. I believe my melanin makes me unique. No two shades are exactly alike. That's beautiful.

Lada: I met Sarah at Le Moyne College through mutual friends. I was president of a club on campus and she attended some meetings. From her input and the interactions that we had, I knew that she was strong and thoughtful. She had a very unique experience and remained true to who she was. Sarah continues to be one of the people that encourages me to be me and I appreciate her for that and more. Thank you Sarah!