What are you most passionate about?

I am most passionate about being the best mother that I can be, the best role model despite circumstances and the best provider. I want to be the best me that I can possibly be and push myself every day. My other passions lie in helping others (just the mom in me) and encouraging them to reach their goals as well. I love writing and one day I aspire to write a book, which is my passion that I am not currently pursuing, because, well I’m a mom!

People have many different reactions to pregnancy. Culturally, it is assumed that one must be happy upon hearing news about pregnancy. Many mothers don't always feel that way immediately. How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant? Were there mixed emotions?

I didn't have the "I didn't know I was pregnant moment" because I planned my child. I think this may be the first time that I openly admit that my child wasn't an accident because for a long time I have been ashamed of my choice to bear a child at the young age of 17. Moreover, I knew my mother would kill me. When I found out that I was pregnant I was excited. It wasn't until I got into my second trimester did I start feeling things such as nervousness, and guilt. There were many days during my pregnancy in which I didn't eat because of my living arrangements at the time. This made me feel incompetent as a mother. Man, I didn't feel great during my pregnancy but somehow I kept a smile on my face.

How has motherhood changed your life?

Well for one, I haven't slept since the night before I gave birth. Sleep is now a luxury lol. But on a more serious note; motherhood has changed me in many ways. Change for the good, the bad and ways that I couldn't even imagine prior to becoming a mother. One way that motherhood has changed me for the good is that it is so relational. Being a mother has empowered me and has given me a voice I never knew existed because I can no longer stay silent. Motherhood has turned me from a girl into a woman in such an accelerated pace. Motherhood has encouraged and motivated me to complete my goals because there are little people watching and depending on me. Being a mother has shown me what it feels to have a ray of sunlight in a cloudy world and has made me the most important person to one person. Motherhood has filled a void I didn’t even know existed in me. Now for the ways motherhood have changed me in a negative way... Motherhood has made me selfless, so selfless that on many days I forget to care for myself, to sleep, to eat. I am so busy being mommy, that sometime I forget to be Sheakira the person who enjoys the things that I previously enjoyed. Motherhood has also made me more fearful of the world that we live in and the choices that are made around me.

What are some hardships you've faced in relation to motherhood? What are some joys?

The biggest challenge I face in relation to motherhood is self-care as I spoke about in the question above. I always go above and beyond for my daughter and at times that's at the expense of myself. I have also faced financial hardships, hardships around having time to spend with my child and hardships around completing school. Being a mother isn't at all easy, however the joys that come with being a mother make it all worth it. Seeing my daughter's smile and the enthusiasm that she has for me is uplifting. Also just seeing her grow everyday with the values that I instill into her is fulfilling. Spending time with someone that looks up to you is also a joy.

How do you instill love of self in your daughter? Does her gender, ethnic identity, creed, etc. play a role in her idea of self-love?

Self-love. This is something that I have struggled with immensely growing up even till this day. What I can say is that I try my best to model self-love (of myself) for my daughter. What does it actually look like to love myself? Whatever that means to me, I do it. Taking myself out, positive self-talk in the mirror (don’t judge me lol) or appreciating my natural attributions (loving my skin color, my natural hair etc.). The biggest thing that I do is try to take care of myself by being a healthy individual, mentally and physically. She watches everything that I do. Frequently, I praise my daughter about the things that she does like help others, when she’s kind and using her manners and tell her how grateful I am to be her mother. I rarely complement her on things that can be measured, like intelligence and looks although I do let her know that she is amazing the way she is. Sometimes I ask her “Mya, what are some of the things that you are proud of and like about yourself?” I also tell her that everyone was made differently and differences are great, appreciating diversity is key to me. Being an African American girl that notices other young girls with long straight hair, I talk to her about how she feels about that and I reinforce that her hair is great as well the way it is! This is not something that is just said, I also try to limit the amount of time I change her curls (straighten her hair) because I do not want to send mixed messages. Being a mother to a African American in a society that is extremely tough on women and sexualize them, it is hard to form a solid concept of self-love. When you turn on the TV you see what society deems is acceptable but I talk to my daughter about those things early on so that she is aware. She’s only 4 but we literally have conversations about everything, her concerns, her confusions, her thoughts, EVERYTHING! Recently she has been struggling with the fact that I am darker than her and what that means in term of race. (Yeah, try breaking that one down for a 4 years old child).

Often times, in motherhood, children and their needs are put first. Has your sense of self been lost in motherhood? If so, how can you get it back?

Yes, I have definitely loss myself in the process of becoming a mother. But I am slowly trying to learn who I am again. What do I like to do on my spare time besides clean? What do I like to look at on TV besides Barney? For a longtime I honestly didn’t know the answers to these questions. I didn’t know who I was besides a mother. People would always ask me, tell me something about yourself and my only response would be that I am a mom to an amazing little girl. While I take pride in that I started to realize that I needed to learn about myself again and actually take time out of my busy schedule to do so. Furthermore being a mother can be so taxing, so draining and so giving. Many times we have this fallacy that as a mother you can’t care for your family and care for yourself at the same time. I have had that misconception for a longtime! But a wise woman once asked me “If you were on a plane with your child and the plane crashed… the oxygen mask comes down but there is only one. Would you use it on yourself or your child?” I immediately exclaimed “my child no doubt!” But then she said something that made sense “If you automatically give it to your child and you die from lack of oxygen, who will care for your child and how much more longer will she survive?”. AT this moment it clicked, I HAVE no other choice but TO CARE for myself, TO TAKE CARE of myself, and to do the things that I did before she got here.

Is there anything about you, race, creed, gender, etc. that

1) Serves as a motivator to love yourself?

I love being a young, African American, women! I think that we are so beautiful, intelligent, diverse and encompass so much strength. Many times in society, I see African American women facing many untrue stereotypes but I see us rising through them all. I see us as the backbones to our families and that does inspire me to love myself. I know that I am valued to my family and to my community, I just wish that once day society can value us just as much and I am hopeful that one day that will happen!

2) That serves as barrier to reaching your ideal levels of success?

As stated above, Society doesn’t always paint a lovely picture of the young African American Woman. This translates into many facets in my life. At school, there are those that assume I will fail. At work, I deal with being taken advantage of and not taken as seriously as some of my non-black, non-females counterparts. Being a mother who also fits the above description, there were many who tried to view me as the statistical young mother who turns out to be a welfare queen and wants nothing for her life. For a long time I tried to prove people wrong, but it wasn’t easy being that I was indeed a young African American mother living in poverty. There was a point in my life where I started downing my worth and what I could accomplish. I have been told that I was a selfish mother because I decided to go to school and that could have been time I could have been working a second job to better provide for my family. I have been looked at crazy because I decided that I wanted to work towards getting my Ph.D instead of settling for some type of service job such as RN (no offense to my nurses, I love you all!). I am by no means where I want to be in terms to my level of success, however I am on the path and I am hopeful that I will get there if I continue to keep my goals aligned to who I am and what I want to be, and not to who I am told that I should be.

3) That inspires you every day?

What inspires me every day is the fact that I see other from my community flourishing and “making it out”. Working with people (children specifically) gives me hope and inspires me to let them know that they can accomplish any dream that they may have. It brings such joy to my heart to give back and let people learn from my path. Being able to empathize and relate to others and serve as a positive influence inspires me every day.

What advice do you have for parents in relation to caring for themselves while caring for their children?

The main piece of advice that I have for all parents in relation to caring for themselves while caring for their children is to give yourself a pat on the back! Being a parent is not easy and comes with lots of sacrifices, so thank you for always doing that! Please make time in your schedule for YOU TIME, because you deserve it! Listen to your favorite song, take yourself out on a date, read your favorite book. Whatever it is that makes you happy do it, and don’t feel guilty about it either! Take care of your health, especially your mental health. Our mental health is so overlooked but there’s nothing wrong for asking for help when you need it. I’ve done it, and you can to!

Lada: I met Sheakira at my summer job. She was always nice and helpful and I admired how encouraging she was to her beautiful baby girl. She is open about mental health and always down to uplift people regardless of what she is going through. I admire her strength and courage and was so glad she agreed to do the interview.