Kahlil and Kiera's interview about love, self care and marriage.

How did you both meet and what were your first impressions?

Kiera: We met on April 21st 2016 at Dj’s on the hill in Syracuse. Kahlil kept staring and at first kinda creeped out but then he thought i was being choked out (i wasn't LOL) and asked if i was okay so sincerely and then proceeded to get to know me personally. At that point i knew he was different. The type of different I needed in my life.

Kahlil: We met in Syracuse at a club called DJ's on the Hill. Honestly, when I first saw Kiera, I was looking kind of hard at her for three reasons. The first, she looked familiar to me, but I could not remember where I might have seen her. The second, I thought she was very beautiful. And last, the guy she was dancing with looked like he was choking her. Her facial expression was as if she needed help. So after they stopped dancing and he walked away, I went over to her and asked if she was okay. The rest is history from there.

What moment made you decide that you wanted to commit to this person?

Kiera: When we had a movie day like a month after we met and he bought me cheese and green grapes. He asked me previously what I liked to snack on and he remembered. That moved my heart a bit. Very caring and thoughtful.

Kahlil: Kiera was and is very consistent. When I realized that she wanted to keep in touch with me, wanted to communicate, and sought growth between us, I knew she was the one I would want to commit to.

Share some examples of love you’ve seen in your life.

Kiera: The way my mom loves me. And honestly that's about it. Sad to say but hey.

Kahlil: Aunts and Uncles marriages lasting years; Barack and Michelle Obama; my family looking out for each other; parents listening to my dreams and visions while supporting me and pushing for my growth.

How do you take care of yourselves and each other?

Kiera: We are both selfless people so we tend to make sure people that we care about and love are straight. We have to remind ourselves that we need to think about ourselves &that is how we take care of one of another. We take a day among ourselves and spend time, talk, catch up (because sometimes we have hectic schedules), play games, watch movies, & relax. I usually treat myself to little things and take a day to have a mental and physical break. That is most important to me.

Kahlil: Every Friday is game night for us. No matter how much homework we have or stressed we may be, we always take Friday nights for us. We also try to have some sort of date night at least once a month, whether that is going out to eat, or going to the movies, or anything else. In addition to that, we always pick up where the other may not be able to. For example, if either one of us is sick and can't keep up with the house, the other will. As another example, if one of us is swamped with school work and can't cook as much, then the other will. We take care of each other by working to balance our personal responsibilities, looking out for each other, and making time for each other.

What were some things you had to overcome within yourself for this love to work?

Kiera: Allowing Kahlil to take care of me at times. I am very independent and i tend to shut down when people try to help me and i had to break that wall with him. It took a long while and still at times I'm still stubborn.

Kahlil: I have had to open my mind more and understand that in order for our love to work, it can't always be about me, and it should not. I have to hear and understand her side, and always work to come to a compromise. Of course, everything will not always be perfect, but active listening and responsible reaction is key. I've also had to overcome the fact that answers won't come my way the exact time I want it, and sometimes I have to be patient.

How do you deal with conflict among yourselves and with each other?

Kiera: I take time to reflect and then we come together and talk about it. We still have that difference when it comes to arguments. He wants to talk then and there, I want time to myself to recoup then talk but as you can see we work on it one way or another .

Kahlil: We may be upset, but we give each other time to cool down, and talk about it later and figure out the best compromise and solution.

Any advice for couples who are just starting or considering marriage? Why marriage?

Kiera: Take your time. Let things happen naturally. You WILL know if or when it is time for you guys to take it a step further. DO NOT SETTLE! Do not force anything that you SEE potential in. BE on the same page. and Most IMPORTANTLY communication is MAJOR KEY!

Kahlil: Work through your challenges together. Listen to each other. They say the beginning of marriage is always rough because of the foundation as a married couple that has to be built. Once you get through the foundation and have clear understandings of each other and are willing to compromise, the rest should come with limited differences (I say limited because it will not be 100% perfect, as no relationship is or should be).

As a married couple, keep your business to yourselves. Because you are in a marriage, your business should not be blasted all over social media for the world to see. The reason being is because that can destroy the potential for the problem to be fixed. In addition, entering a marriage is a sacred commitment between you and your partner. Therefore, that sacred relationship should not be broken by allowing others into your business. Not saying you can't talk to anyone if problems exist, but your problems should never be on blast for the world to see, and the first person you should be committed to talking to about anything, is the one you committed yourself to.

After years of being together, what makes you want to say I do?

Kiera: Kahlil is my lover and best friend all in one. To see a future with him had me very excited. He's been there through thick and thin and vise versa. He's actually changed me for the better nd made me into more of the woman I am today. I can see my life him and it hurts to the core even imagine life without him.

Kahlil: Love. Through everything, she's always been there for me, cried with me, loved me, taken care of me, and has supported me. I honestly would not trade it in for the world. In addition, I have goals in life. In getting to those goals, I know I will always have Kiera by my side. To not say I do and start from scratch would get either of us nowhere and only make life harder. Saying "I do" is the next step in our growth and future.

Unforgettable moments you’ve shared together that the other may have forgotten?

Kiera: WHENEVER we travel. And i don't just mean like vacations. when we go to new restaurants, parks, etc we always make our mark and do something to remember that place.

Kahlil: I honestly don't think Kiera may have forgotten any of our moments. But unforgettable moments would be our first date to a Bryson Tiller concert; Kiera leaving the country for the first time crossing over into Canada; Kiera's first time on a plane; our trip to Miami; and getting the keys to our first apartment.

What is your favorite physical thing about your partner/fav spiritual thing about your partner?

Kiera: Lawwddd his smile. Lights my heart right up! I love Kahlil's positive light on things. Whenever things goes south in any situation he ALWAYS makes a positive way out of it.

Kahlil: My favorite physical thing about Kiera is her face. Through some of the roughest days, life honestly gets easier when all I do is look at her. My favorite spiritual thing about Kiera is her spirit itself. Her spirit is very open is loving of people for who they are.

What are your top 3 love songs?

Kiera:

Love Ballad x LTD

Dangerously in love x Beyonce

TIE BETWEEN Here & Now x Luther Vandross OR Make it work x Ne-Yo

Kahlil: To be honest, I am not sure. I've obviously listened to love songs, but have never thought about how they would be ranked.

Lada: This couple is one of my favorite couples and examples of love. I met Kahlil in college and he has been one of my greatest guy friends. When he introduced our squad to Kiera, I KNEW it was lit! They are PERFECT for eachother and I cannot wait to witness the big day.

Nathan's interview about love and respect for black women, being unapologetically black, and the importance of black only spaces.

My Name is Nathan and I'm an artist and musician that works under the name Great Black Century. I also build houses and enjoy southern winters, pizza and cussing.

Lada: Why is it important for black people to have black only spaces?  

I grew up in a predominantly white suburb in the 1980s, about 10 minutes north of Dallas, called Plano. So the importance of black only spaces was evident to me very early in life being that my earliest elementary school memories were things like black jokes being traded between white kids and fighting during recess after being called a nigger (by one of my friends at the time, mind you). So to me, there was a sense of relaxation when my folks would pack me and my sister up for a weekend trip to South Dallas to see our cousins and aunts and grandmother. For me I was able to lay down any anxiety I carried while in Plano because I knew the treats of racist bullies or biased teachers couldn't reach all the way down to South Dallas. Like, I knew those white kids acted tough because I was out numbered. I knew their courage only existed in white spaces, so it made me feel safe to be in a part of town where every single direction you looked was black people. 

Being black anywhere in the eyesight of white people is like being underwater in the ocean to me. Like, this shit really wasn't made for you - ever. You can spend time down here but there are no promises that a benign activity like snorkeling won't result in your death. Black spaces are the dock you can sit on with no threat of a jellyfish calling the police (white sharks) on you because they don't believe you should be in their reef. Black spaces are the life giving gulp of air needed to dive back down and navigate an inherently hostile world like the open ocean.

Lada: With the world so critical of black women yet clearly obsessed with black women, please share where your love for black women stem from and how it is sustained.

Early in my life it certainly stems from the women in my family. My mother, of course, who is an absolute force. My sister, who is my only sibling but she's 8 years older than me, so she was my earliest protector. I have all aunts, no blood uncles and a gang of female cousins. But I don't love black women simply because I'm related to black women. I suppose I love them because I know whatever I go through is two-fold for them. And somehow black women manage to still stand up and walk into the world everyday, glazed in coconut oil and full of fire. So that's where it starts, but what sustains it is understanding that black people can only win if we do it largely as a whole. It's never going to work if we only talk about all the ways black men are affected by being black in this country. There are a lot of white male patriarchal things we subscribe to that have no place in a community trying to heal itself. Our efforts will never work if it's just black women 'having the backs' of black men but we never reciprocate. Simply put, I just want to give black women what they give to me. So if Im made to feel seen and supported, I want to make sure they feel seen, heard and supported too. It won't always be perfect because everyone is healing. But as long as we come from a place of understanding that, I think we'll do better by each other.

Lada: With so many civil rights leaders killed for their unapologetic stance on blackness and the advancement of their people, one could be afraid of being pro black, cointel pro, etc.  (especially under this regime) but you do so effortlessly, naturally, and regally and on a platform that doesn't respect black voices.  How? 

I suppose it boils down to it no longer being a viable option to ignore the totality of the conditions of black people in this country. August 20, 2019 will mark 400 years in the land known as the United States. 400 years wields a lot of data on the affects of openly documented and admitted racism in policy making towards black people in this country. We have the results and it's all trending towards annihilation, just as we always knew. So i wouldn't necessarily say it's any sense of individual courage on my part - but more of an all hands on deck, black collective tone that encourages the sharing of black truths to be spoken. 

As far as the very real idea of state surveillance and the threat of state violence - that's just become a normal expectation of black life, unfortunately. I think black people have come to understand the value of black life in the eyes of our government. So keeping silent won't mitigate the very real possibility of state violence. 

Lada: The content on your page is very inclusive (LGBTQ, people with disabilities,  feminism, etc.) How imperative is it to hold space, speak out against their unfair treatment, especially as a black man? is there an importance of protecting these spaces and how it that integral to black success? 

Looking at it from a purely black perspective, you cannot say you love black people if you only speak up for the well-being of some black people. Also, when you alienate segments of your own community you narrow the field of critical thinkers that can digest complex problems. And what has become apparent is those people in your community who are historically shunned (LGBTQ, the disabled, women, etc.) their minds are more conditioned for complex issues because they have to think critically to resolve matters that do not present themselves to the 'accepted' segment of the community. So that's why it's imperative to support them and give them space to speak about their experiences. 

Lastly, it is my opinion that black men, especially, should be the greatest allies and accomplices for other marginalized groups. One, because even though we experience detrimental affects from systemic racism, we still get an invite to come claim privileges of white male patriarchy before some other groups. The reason for that is we make the white boys feel cool and the white girls feel sexy. And if you are the a black man who is willing to amplify all the things white dominant culture loves about black culture while also suppressing everything that makes them nervous about black culture, then you have a clear path to the table to collect your privileges. The second reason black men, in my opinion, should be the greatest allies and accomplices is because we do have legitimate grievances that should make easy to identify with other marginalized groups. So when other marginalized groups speak their truths, we black men should have little to no problem identifying with their plight because we know what it feels like to be targeted, follow, picked upon and excluded. So it always baffles me when I see other black men completely dismiss the experiences of other marginalized people the same way whiteness dismisses the experiences of those same black men. I have no desire to become what I am trying to eradicate. So it never made sense to me to scream for freedom at the top of your lungs and then turn around and impose the very oppression that you just worked so hard to dismantle. That's what people like Thomas Jefferson did, and I think the hypocrisy of his ideas are finally catching up with his legacy. But black folks will not make it far, or at all, if we do not include all black people.

Lada: Nathan and I have been Facebook friends for sometime and I always appreciate his post uplifting black people and how he advocates for black women and other marginalized groups within our community. The content he shares is powerful and I was so happy to see that he agreed to do the interview. I hope you all enjoy=)

From Scratch

From Scratch

you melted pieces of ivory

added in bolts of steel

used those to mold

my bones

stacked and snapped

them into place

so that i may stand firm

built my muscles

of bulletproof glass

and stained them with

a mixture of raindrops

powdered rubies

and a spoon of honey

all sparked by a lightning bolt

so that i may contain

the beauty of a storm

wrapped in my veins

you combined golden glitter,

smooth cocoa,

and brown sugar

to construct my skin

on top my head

you gave me the hair

of a goddess, dark spirals

painted wild and unruly

i am magic filled

because you built me

from scratch.

- Kadisha Kentish

My-Kellia Jenkin's interview on black love

How did you and your spouse meet? What was your first impression?

We met when we were 15. He used to always be with my cousin. I wasn't all that into boys so I didn't really pay him and attention until he asked me for my number one day and I thought "Oohh he's cute and chocolate" lol

In what moment did you realize she/he was the one?  

It took me a little while to realize he was the one. We had been together for about 6 years but things were beginning to take a turn for the worst for me. I had dealt with a lot and was ready to give up. I felt like I deserved better. I began talking to someone else, but it wasn't the same. All I wanted was him. It was like my life just wasn't complete without him. And I knew at that moment, he was made just for me. I love him very much and knew I wanted to marry him before then, but that was the final confirmation I needed, the actual "moment".

What are some things that you had to overcome within yourself to make your relationship last? 

I have always been the type to get my way and felt like what I said goes. I had to realize I couldn't control him, and that I needed to understand that sometimes, things wasn't going to go the way I wanted. Also, I always thought I was right and it was very hard for me to admit I was wrong. 

Did you have any examples of love in your childhood or adolescence? Did it help to shape your practice in love?    

Not really. My mom was never married and my father left when I was about 2 to Florida. I had a really hard life growing up. My mom was with my stepfather for 20 years, but they never went on dates or really told each other "I love you". I mainly relied on fairy tails. I always wanted that fairy tale, princess meets prince life, so I always kept that in mind lol

What are some things that you had to overcome together, in your relationship? 

Communication used to be a real big problem for us. We would hold things inside and make a small argument into something bigger than it was. We could never talk, we would always yell and point the finger at each other instead of telling each other what's wrong and what we could do to fix it. Trust, it was hard for me to trust him at first because he had a lot of girls, especially this one girl, when we first got together so I didn't really know how to trust him, but he got rid of them and showed me I was the only one he wanted.

What are some things you do to celebrate love? 

We go on dates, whenever we get the chance, We are big on anniversaries and holidays, and We tell each other how much we mean to each other as often as possible.

 Many people think that young people aren't ready for such a commitment. How did you become confident in your decision to stay together and get married?

We have been together since we were 15, and had a baby together at 17. We had to go through all the different phases of life from teens to adults together and had to learn how to survive together. We were living together at the age of 16, due to our life circumstances, so we knew we could tolerate each other haha. 

What kind of compromises do you make to keep each other happy?

I had to compromise helping my family, my mom and sisters. I used to be really big on trying to make sure everyone was OK instead of putting our relationship first and making sure we were alright. Now, I still help them, but I always be sure it doesn't effect our home. 

How do you communicate when you are angry, embarrassed, etc.? 

Sometimes we yell, but then we go our separate ways until we are both calm then talk about it. We try to avoid saying things we don't mean and putting each other down, and if we do happen to say hurtful things, we  apologize once we are calm and talking about the situation. 

If you are a parent, do you share the same philosophy on parenting?  

Some things. We discipline the kids differently and he's very big on doing things the way they were done when he was a kids. I'm more on giving the kids choices, like what to wear and eat, while he's more "what I say go", but we seem to have an understanding in there somewhere, just not sure where lol. 

How has parenting shaped your views of each other?

Growing up without my father around all the time, I am very big on my kids father being in their life. Q has never left my side when it comes to the kids. He is the best father I know, and it makes me fall in love with him more and more when I watch him interact with the kids. He gets frustrated sometimes but he loves playing with the kids and showing them attention and affection. 

Was there ever a conflict that could've ended the relationship? If so, how did you overcome it?  

Yes, a few times. Q is big on partying and having a good time while I'm more into staying in the house watching movies. He would be out all time of the night and always with his friends while I was home worried about if he was alright and when he was coming home. I did leave him, and he hated me for it because he didn't understand why,  but eventually he realized how his actions were affecting me. One time I was talking to a boy from work, as a result of not getting attention from Q but getting it from him, and when Q seen the messages he went crazy lol. But, we managed to work through everything and found our way back to each other and worked through it. 

What advice do you have for people who are afraid of love and commitment?

Don't be afraid. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. It's hard, but it's so worth it. If you don't experience anything else in life, experience the feeling of love, it will change you forever! 

Lada: I met My-kellia and Queshawn while in college. I admired their relationship and dedication to each other. I also admired their drive for their education and how they strive to be role models for their children. Thank you My-Kellia for sharing!

"Moonlight" By Kamayera Nassoko

Moonlight, Moonlight

Your smile shines bright when the Summers on sunset

You light up a soul dimmer than the sunrise when it's the wintertime

Making me wish I saw my own shadow just to elongate time when we vibe

Sophisticated girl,

I can definitely rock your world

Physique of a Goddess

I'm Trying to evaluate every aspect of God's Gift before I open up your most prized possession

You see, everyone wants a boring chick

Because a boring chick ain''t really a boring chick

Giving a vibe that can't be found anywhere else

Might explain why i lose myself between those Hi's and goodbyes

Shawty's ambition is through the roof

Shooting for the sky with no limitations

Im trying to figure out "what in the world" inspires your aspirations

Your essences is of a burning sensation,

Just waiting for the right match to ignite your aspirations

Levitating your mind to a whole new level of dimensions

Your the only moonlight that surpasses levels that NASA can't reach

In a league of your own

A queen that doesn't need no crown or throne

For a real brother to behold

Her black magic

That seems to do nothing

But make a moon

Shine brighter than any sunrise

That has ever came across my eyes

Lada: I met Kam in college and he is one of the most hardest working , most humble and one of the tallest young men I know lol. I had no idea Kam was this talented and was happy when he agreed to feature this work on the site.

Common, Mary, and Kendrick told me to tell y'all...

"Come close to me baby
Let your love hold you
I know this world is crazy
What's it without you"

and I mean that.

"When you know, we been hurt, been down before,
When my pride was low, lookin' at the world like, "where do we go,?
And we hate Popo, wanna kill us dead in the street for sure,
I'm at the preacher's door
My knees gettin' weak and my gun might blow but we gon' be alright"

and I mean that.

Self love is the best love!

So, my friends and I made a hilarious parody video of some of our favorite 90s artists and songs. Check it out on YouTube below. We received a lot of positive feedback and got a lot of views and shares on Facebook, 3.8k views and 77 shares. Check the Facebook post out below. Please continue to share and support. We appreciate it.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10207646411937740&id=1214841111

However, we also received a lot of negative feedback. I have no idea how this blog found our picture lol, but they did. My friend tagged me in it on Instagram and the comments were very ugly. A lot of the group names that people came up with likened us to thieves, "thots", stated that we had STDs, usedpublic assistance and the list goes on.

1) We're not from Alabama!

2) We understood that we would be subjected to public scrutiny and in part, we welcomed that. Our wigs, glasses and clothes were deliberately chosen to get a reaction from people. We wanted to liken our appearance as much as possible to the women and era that we all know and love.

3) We also understand that the nature of that particular blog is that of ridicule, shame and bullying. Many of the posts on their Instagram to stir controversy and gossip. Fine.

4) What struck me is that, many of the names that people came up with weren't because of the wigs or glasses or clothes but because we were black. Even worst, they were coming from other black people. Here's an excerpt from what I commented on my social media account:

 "I could understand scrutinizing our wigs, we meant for it to be funny but to associate us with thieves, "thots", stds, public assistance, etc. just based off of our appearance and largely because we are black, is something else, a deeper, rooted issue within the black community. This is one of the things that black women, no matter your level of success, education , economic status, no matter your appearance, are subjected to. It's not just jokes. These are ideas and micro aggressions that literally has the ability to dictate how someone else would treat us. I encourage all of us, but especially black people to stop policing ourselves and eachother. Stop insulting eachother with stereotypical, racist driven ideas. Continue to support one another and uplift eachother. Lastly, share this video because we're trying to meet Oprah and em'. Thanks for all the love thus far guys."

If this is how we see ourselves and each other, we have deeper issues and one cannot simply disregard it by saying, "its just a joke". Because, it is not. Beliefs and how one thinks ultimately dictate their actions. If one feels that black women or black skin represents thievery, worthlessness, promiscuity, etc. then black women, regardless of our status, will be treated as such blatantly and inadvertently. And I say inadvertently because its already part of a lot of peoples subconscious to treat people of darker hue that way.

If you SIMPLY SEE a black child and think "this child is bad", there's something wrong.

If this child hurts himself and you are less likely to help this child or offer comfort, something is wrong.

If you SIMPLY SEE a black man and your heart beats fast and you want to avoid his whole being, there's something wrong.

If you SIMPLY SEE a black woman and assume she is on welfare, has many children and is a thot, something is wrong.

No one would know, from that one snapshot or from that video that we were college educated women. No one would know that none of us have children. No one could know if we were dating. No one would know of our academic and personal achievements. NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

But the thing is, I didn't and shouldn't feel as though I EVEN NEED to use these accolades as  justification to be treated better or better regarded because regardless, if we had children or not,  if we're "free" with our body or not, if we're unemployed or not, it DOES NOT excuse the stereotypical, racist ideologies that were tacked to us from that one picture. If we fit the stereotypes, we still shouldn't be treated as less then.

I see that we still see ourselves through the eyes of the oppressor. I see that we still have issues with treating each other with respect, love and admiration. I see that we still have issues with protecting each other. I see that we still have issues.

Black people but black women especially, are constantly bombarded with messages and actions exclaiming that we are not worth it, we are less then, we ain't shit. We are always compared to other women and given "advice" on what to do better. On top of the daily stresses of the world, we cant even be black in peace.

The last part of my message was to encourage each other,

Black men and women, lets continue to respect each other in our entirety.

Stop policing ourselves and each other. Be who you are the best way you know while continuing to strive for growth and healing.

Stop insulting eachother with stereotypical, racist driven ideas. because these ideas become action and insult on ourselves and others who look like us.

Continue to support one another and uplift each other. We need love, healing and support. Self love is the best love and in loving yourself and your black skin, kinky hair, full lips, beautiful figure, smooth swag and deep rich history, we love each other.

Lastly, love us by supporting this video because we trying to meet Oprah and Em'.

Until next time. Peace and Love.

Bob Marley Said...

My people perish because they're unable to love what they see in the mirror and love what and where they came from. Make an effort, every day to love yourselves and one another.  We spend so much time hurting ourselves and each other for should'ves, would'ves, and could've's. We let many demons in our mind, heart and soul and they stay there, sometimes for a lifetime, oftentimes because we think we aren't worthy.  You are deserving of love. You are deserving of forgiveness. You are deserving of happiness. You are deserving of care. You are deserving of positivity. You are deserving of passion. You are deserving of all of these things and more. We've risen through the darkest times and made it through the worst of times. We are a culmination of what was, a staple of what is and a promise of what is to be. We are divine. We are worthy. We are Lovely.

- Lada.

#blacklove

Word.

Not my image, but I approve this message.

Live from AfroPunk2015

One of the dopest photos eva.

I don't own this photo.

From Ruby to Ossie

Actress Ruby Dee and Actor Ossie Davis were married since 1948. 

Tendo Sekiwala's Interview on Self Love

Describe what Self Love is to you? 
Self love is when you practice kind, positive feelings and actions towards yourself without holding back. Self love is honoring who you are by doing the best you can in every situation. 

What are some ways you practice self love? 

I love myself by taking care of the outside me and the inside me. The outside me is well groomed regularly. For the inside me, I love myself by honoring my thoughts and living fear less. I love myself by believing in who I am. I practice this by not feeling sorry or pity for myself because I trust in me enough to know that I will never lead myself astray. No matter what happens, I can get back up and get through any storm and achieve what I want.

Today, I am a young career woman who loves her skin and all her god given gifts and talents. I share my story to continue to inspire other young people. You cannot be told too many times that you are beautiful.

Are there any hardships you've faced while loving yourself? 
As a kid, back in my early years of elementary school, I used to get teased for being black and African.

 “Dirt eater!” and "mud bather!” were some of the not-so-nice things the other kids would say. I began to hate who I was. I hated it so bad that in 3rd grade art class, whenever we were asked to draw portraits of ourselves, I'd draw me as a white girl with blonde hair that was easy to comb. I wished that I could abandon the nappy coarse hair African roots that I had inherited from my ancestors. I wanted to become a regular Sally or Jane with long blonde hair because on television, those were always the pretty girls. 

The shift came as I grew older, I started seeing more examples of women who looked like me. I became more confident as a result of exposure to black literature, black media, positive black role models, and my travel to Africa which had a profound positive effect on my life.

What advice do you have for someone seeking to practice Self Love? 
For someone seeking self love I’d say just trust yourself. Do the best you can always, take care of yourself, always put your best foot forward because you owe it to yourself to do that. All of this is a lot easier said than done but not impossible. I am still learning to incorporate many of these things in my life. But, that's okay because it’s a practice and every day you get better and better at it.

What is your philosophy on love? 

My philosophy is true love does not exist in fear. Fear is often communicated through anger, doubt, or jealousy.

If everyone in this world decided to do two things - Truly love themselves and truly love each other this would be a very happy place, all the time.

 Lada: I met Tendo so randomly lol. We met on the train platform. I had newly went natural in regards to my hair and she had on a head wrap. I asked her about it, we exchanged information and we have been friends since then. She is one of the most positive people I have ever met and I am so happy she agreed to do the interview. Tendo specifically asked for her interview to be uploaded under Black Love which I understand why. Her love of self is an amazing display of black love. 

Candi Griffin - Jenkins and Hubby Interview About Love

How did you and your husband meet? 

We met around age 11.  My hubby and my brother are best friends.  We met one day when he was at my grandmother’s house. We met again as adults when my brother had a housewarming and we ended up hanging out at the party and really hitting it off.

What was your first impression of your husband? 
When we were children, I thought he was just my brother’s friend.  He said he thought the same thing.  We were not attracted to one another at all. That did not happen until we saw each other again as adult’s years later.

 When did you realize your spouse was the one? 

TJ: Realized she was the one after we had been together for some time and things were going well.  Reflected on our life together and it hit me to ask her to marry me.  Once I spoke to her son, his excitement confirmed it.

CGJ: I felt it in my gut after a few of our really deep conversations.  He just touched my spirit.  I knew we were compatible and more than anything, we were developing a great friendship. 

What are some things that you had to overcome within yourself in order to have a successful relationship? 

TJ: Had to talk self into staying when the road got bumpy.  That was my pattern.  To just leave when times get tough.

CGJ: I had to overcome the past hurts experienced which started with my father’s absence in my life.  That just set off a chain reaction that was really difficult to overcome!

What are some things that you had to overcome in your relationship? 

TJ: Communication, still learning how to communicate more effectively.

CGJ: Wanting different things at different times.  It’s difficult to grow up in a relationship.  You change over the years and want different things.  When you are married, you can’t just do what you want to do. You have to do what is best for the relationship.

 What are some things you do to celebrate love? 

 TJ: Go on dates, hang out, lots of laughing

CGJ: Celebrate special occasions, do what we want to do.  We have a great time together.  We celebrate the quiet moments.

What's your philosophy to staying in the relationship? 

TJ: Must like each other, be friends.  It’s important that you like one another.

CGJ: It’s all about the overall love and commitment.  When it is real and honest.  Nothing else matters.  You want to be with that person who is willing to stand beside you when you are sick or out of commission.  He has been there for me through it all.

What kind of compromises do you make to keep each other happy? 

TJ: I eat foods I normally would not eat. Do things I normally would not do like go to parties.  Much less social than my wife.  I am content staying at home chilling out.  She is much more outgoing.

 CGJ: We compromise a lot on many different things from staying in the area, in our current home to what we eat for dinner.  My hubby used to be a vegetarian and now he will eat chic and things like that.

How do you communicate when you are angry, embarrassed, etc.?   

TJ: Try to wait until I am emotionally stable and then I will speak on whatever is going on.

CGJ: I am definitely fire and my hubby is water.  I have learned to tone it down as I get older.  We don’t argue often at all but when we do it is about taking the time to actually share feelings and really listen.  I have learned to set emotions aside and really be present.

Did you have any examples of love in your childhood or adolescence? Did it help to shape your practice in love?  

TJ: No examples.  Had to make it up as I went along.

CGJ: I had examples.  My parents were married until I was 14.  I also lived with my Uncle and Aunt who are still married til’ this day and are best friends.  I had great examples of love that very much shaped my practice.

How long does a conflict last between you and what do you do to resolve it?  

TJ: They don’t last long at all for me.  Though my wife sometimes likes to hold grudges.  We have both learned to say what we have to say and let it go. 

Was there ever a conflict that could've ended the relationship? If so, how did you overcome it?  

TJ: Early in our relationship, she was still friends with an ex-boyfriend.  That almost ended the relationship.

CGJ: Over the years, I have thought about what my life would be like without being married when I am annoyed by the small things. Then I realize, that stuff does not matter at the end of the day.  I am in an amazing relationship and nothing is worth losing that (meaning not dealing with DV (domestic violence), cheating, etc.

What were you willing to compromise, unwilling to compromise before entering the relationship and after?

TJ: Would not eat certain foods such as pork, not willing to live in a certain area.  Willing to compromise many other things to remain in the relationship.

CGJ: Not willing to compromise certain things like drinking excessively or smoking (which were not issues my husband had, thank God).

Lada: I met Candi when I came to UAlbany in the summer of 2015. I remember coming on a bus ride up and being so confused on what classes I needed to take and being overwhelmed with moving to Albany. She was so helpful and welcoming and since then I have come to her when I needed comfort or when I wanted to let off steam. Me being the sap that I am was interested in how she met her husband and  I am so happy to present their love story to all of you!

#BlackLove

I wanted to document Black Love separately. Black Love, to me, is the love shared amongst Black people from ourselves and to ourselves. Black Love is rarely celebrated in American society. According to media and popular social networks, Black people don’t love each other and we don't love ourselves. We don’t value each other. It isn't unusual to see memes or depictions of Black men and women pitted against each other over child support issues and domestic abuse. It isn't unusual to see Black men lust for women of different races and ethnicities as they downplay Black women. It isn't unusual to see a Black woman desire a man of a different race or ethnicity so that their child will have more manageable hair and desired features. It isn't unusual for us to berate each other over our names and identities, often calling each other ghetto, thots, uncle toms, coons, hoes, bitches, sluts, etc. We are constantly bombarded with images of broken homes and encouraged not to express our feelings within ourselves and for each other, unless wanting to be deemed weak. When we do celebrate ourselves and acknowledge our accomplishments with hashtags such as #Blacklivesmatter, #Blackgirlmagic, #blackisbeautiful, we are met with anger and deemed "racist". Mainstream music suggests black women are only good if they have huge breast and fat asses. We're only valuable if we can carry out sexual favors. Black men, too, are victims of only being regarded for sexual favors and are commonly used for sexual exploitation in certain realms of entertainment. Rape, molestation and misogyny are also culprits of hindering Black Love. Lack of self worth is a hindrance to Black Love.  Lack of self love is a hindrance to Black love. Poverty is a hindrance to Black Love. Depression is a hindrance to Black Love. Suicide is a hindrance to Black Love. Jealousy is a hindrance to Black Love. Mass incarceration is a hindrance to Black Love.  Pride and ego is a hindrance to Black Love. Media suggest Black women aren't worthy of commitment but we are worthy of being playgrounds and breeding grounds for others. It suggests that Black men are aggressive and cold hearted, only able to dedicate themselves to money, material possessions and multitudes of women.  Growing up, I saw few examples of Black Love myself as I was placed in foster care and my biological parents separated. Even cultural norms usually associated with Black people are deemed unprofessional or undesired. These things include braids, colorful nails, voluptuous figures and dark skin. All of which are desired, just not on Black people. So, when I hear about Black Love, it truly is magical for me. Black Love is revolutionary in the sense that, in the many years of separatism and purposeful violence committed against us, we have thrived and survived. Black Love is Unique. Black Love is resilient. Black Love is divine. Black love is important. I desire Black Love though I am aware that my soulmate (if he exists lol) can come in any body. Hearing these stories and seeing it makes it that much more believable to me and that much more attainable.  There is a constant attack on Black bodies from the outside world and amongst ourselves. That is my reality. So, when I see Black Love being cultivated, protected and thriving right in front of me, it is a sight to behold. 

_Lada