How did you and your husband meet?

We met around age 11. My hubby and my brother are best friends. We met one day when he was at my grandmother’s house. We met again as adults when my brother had a housewarming and we ended up hanging out at the party and really hitting it off.

What was your first impression of your husband?
When we were children, I thought he was just my brother’s friend. He said he thought the same thing. We were not attracted to one another at all. That did not happen until we saw each other again as adult’s years later.

When did you realize your spouse was the one?

TJ: Realized she was the one after we had been together for some time and things were going well. Reflected on our life together and it hit me to ask her to marry me. Once I spoke to her son, his excitement confirmed it.

CGJ: I felt it in my gut after a few of our really deep conversations. He just touched my spirit. I knew we were compatible and more than anything, we were developing a great friendship.

What are some things that you had to overcome within yourself in order to have a successful relationship?

TJ: Had to talk self into staying when the road got bumpy. That was my pattern. To just leave when times get tough.

CGJ: I had to overcome the past hurts experienced which started with my father’s absence in my life. That just set off a chain reaction that was really difficult to overcome!

What are some things that you had to overcome in your relationship?

TJ: Communication, still learning how to communicate more effectively.

CGJ: Wanting different things at different times. It’s difficult to grow up in a relationship. You change over the years and want different things. When you are married, you can’t just do what you want to do. You have to do what is best for the relationship.

What are some things you do to celebrate love?

TJ: Go on dates, hang out, lots of laughing

CGJ: Celebrate special occasions, do what we want to do. We have a great time together. We celebrate the quiet moments.

What's your philosophy to staying in the relationship?

TJ: Must like each other, be friends. It’s important that you like one another.

CGJ: It’s all about the overall love and commitment. When it is real and honest. Nothing else matters. You want to be with that person who is willing to stand beside you when you are sick or out of commission. He has been there for me through it all.

What kind of compromises do you make to keep each other happy?

TJ: I eat foods I normally would not eat. Do things I normally would not do like go to parties. Much less social than my wife. I am content staying at home chilling out. She is much more outgoing.

CGJ: We compromise a lot on many different things from staying in the area, in our current home to what we eat for dinner. My hubby used to be a vegetarian and now he will eat chic and things like that.

How do you communicate when you are angry, embarrassed, etc.?

TJ: Try to wait until I am emotionally stable and then I will speak on whatever is going on.

CGJ: I am definitely fire and my hubby is water. I have learned to tone it down as I get older. We don’t argue often at all but when we do it is about taking the time to actually share feelings and really listen. I have learned to set emotions aside and really be present.

Did you have any examples of love in your childhood or adolescence? Did it help to shape your practice in love?

TJ: No examples. Had to make it up as I went along.

CGJ: I had examples. My parents were married until I was 14. I also lived with my Uncle and Aunt who are still married til’ this day and are best friends. I had great examples of love that very much shaped my practice.

How long does a conflict last between you and what do you do to resolve it?

TJ: They don’t last long at all for me. Though my wife sometimes likes to hold grudges. We have both learned to say what we have to say and let it go.

Was there ever a conflict that could've ended the relationship? If so, how did you overcome it?

TJ: Early in our relationship, she was still friends with an ex-boyfriend. That almost ended the relationship.

CGJ: Over the years, I have thought about what my life would be like without being married when I am annoyed by the small things. Then I realize, that stuff does not matter at the end of the day. I am in an amazing relationship and nothing is worth losing that (meaning not dealing with DV (domestic violence), cheating, etc.

What were you willing to compromise, unwilling to compromise before entering the relationship and after?

TJ: Would not eat certain foods such as pork, not willing to live in a certain area. Willing to compromise many other things to remain in the relationship.

CGJ: Not willing to compromise certain things like drinking excessively or smoking (which were not issues my husband had, thank God).

Lada: I met Candi when I came to UAlbany in the summer of 2015. I remember coming on a bus ride up and being so confused on what classes I needed to take and being overwhelmed with moving to Albany. She was so helpful and welcoming and since then I have come to her when I needed comfort or when I wanted to let off steam. Me being the sap that I am was interested in how she met her husband and I am so happy to present their love story to all of you!