What are some struggle you've dealt with in the past four years while in college?

A lot happened in these four years. I lost friends and boyfriends that I thought I would always keep, which led to me isolating myself from the friends I had at school and at home. I was betrayed by many men that I thought I could make into good guys. And I even hurt people due to the pain that was inflicted upon me. I wrestled with my faith and spirituality and on top of that, I was always worried about the health of my mother. But the main struggle that was hardest for me to overcome was my lack of self esteem. Surprisingly, school work was never the issue.

How did you began to overcome these struggles?

The first step of my self-healing process was learning how to stop blaming others. Most of the situations that I was experiencing started when I made the choice to put myself in those same situations. I had to understand that change starts with me. And with me understanding that, I started doing one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I had to forgive. Not only forgive the people who had wronged me but, forgive myself as well.

As for my self esteem, it took me a while to realize that I had been battling with it for a long period of time. I can admit that the only time I felt beautiful and or thought about was when I had a man in my life or when I was dressed up and had pounds of makeup on my face. However, with the help of friends and a lot of prayer I started to dwell more on characteristics that people could not see. For instance, my high spirits and my welcoming demeanor. I am not on the level that I wish to be on quite yet, but I’m so far from where I used to be and for that, I’m content for now.

Where does your source of strength come from??

My strength comes from God. I know how cliche that may sound, but it is the honest truth. Some days I find it very easy to be weak and I even think about giving up. But then I remove myself from all of the distractions around me and I start to open up my mind. That’s when I feel that God is trying to send me signs. There’s a sign in everything. I believe in that. I also believe that my strength comes from acknowledging that there is always a rainbow after a storm. Nothing bad lasts forever. I even got a tattoo over the summer to represent my optimism. “The pain you feel today is the strength you will feel tomorrow.” That is what I have to remember each time that I find myself about to give in or give up.

What makes you feel ready for the next phase of your life? (graduate school)

Whenever I start to think about life after graduation, I immediately see myself at Graduate School. It was not always my plan to go directly for my Masters after undergrad but when I did make it an option, I realized it was the only option that I had set for myself. After i was accepted into all of my choices, I kept asking God to place me where I needed to be and not where I wanted to be. It was important that my school be a place that I felt safe at and could continue to mentally grow. That is what helped me to make that choice. After that, every time that I thought about me being in Graduate School, I saw myself in SU. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I didn’t even notice until a friend pointed it out to me. After I signed and sent in my letter of intent to enroll, I was finally able to breathe for the first time since the process had started.

After that part was over, I started to get involved in other situations. I had promised myself that if I went straight for my masters, I would visit a different country before I started. That promise came true when I was informed that I was chosen to go on a service trip to Jamaica. Nothing could have prepared me for that. But as the days dwindle down and I get closer to smelling that jamaican air, I can’t help but to look up to the sky, smile and think “Alright God, I get it. Stop showing off.”

I am excited and anxious about this next phase of my life. For the first time, I am the one behind the wheel. I get to make the decisions for my life. At first it was terrifying, but thanks to the people who have helped groom me for this moment I am ready to jump in and finally start on the path to my career.

What do you love most about yourself?

What I love most about myself has to be my welcoming and accepting personality. Since I was younger, I always wanted to be that person that lights up the room when they enter it. I love those type of people that come in as if the sun was still shining on them. That’s how I strive to be in life. That is how I am going to stand strong in this world.

What insecurities did you have to overcome to be who you are today??

I had to understand that people are going to talk about me. No matter what I do, whether it's good or bad, someone is going to find a way to speak on it. I used to be a person that wanted everyone to like me. However, I realized that none of that mattered if I did not like myself. The Toni that I always wanted to be was strong, resilient, carefree, humble, and warm. It finally dawned on me that I couldn't achieve those characteristics unless I was comfortable with the idea of people’s opinions of me both good and bad.

However, one of my biggest insecurities was believing that I could not do the things that I wanted. But that was because self doubt is real. Its one of the most negative qualities that we carry within ourselves as we grow up because it's easy. It's easier to doubt than it is to get up and do the very thing that we’re doubting ourselves on. Nevertheless, that's a characteristic that I do not plan on keeping around. What I do plan on is being the bravest and most adventurous person that I can be.

Advice for people dealing with similar struggles as you.

Be thoughtful. Be sincere. Most importantly be yourself. I know that fear of letting people enter your life or even having to put yourself out there because you're scared that they might judge you or even take advantage of your heart. And you know what I say to that? Go for it. Whether you're ready or not, make that jump. Life is not easy. I learned that the hard way. But if life is going to be difficult, I am going to make decisions that make those bumps hurt a little less.

Lada: I met Toni while in college. A lot of people used to say that we had a lot of similarities and I couldn't see it lol. Though me and Toni are definitely two different people, I can definitely say that I am lucky to be likened to such a remarkable woman. She has grown so much and I am eager to see the amazing things she does next. Thank you for sharing TONT!