Define love, in your own terms.

Describing love may be the most difficult thing to do! I think if I could put this emotion into words I would say love is intentional and consistent. Intentional in the sense of actively making selfless decisions and putting another person before you, while also surrendering yourself without expectations. Consistency is the most important part because the ability to be able to do this when it’s not always "convenient" for you is not the easiest.

How has your brother impacted your life?

Matthew has impacted me in so many ways. Growing up with a sibling with a disorder really made me view the world and people differently. I started to want to understand what makes us do and feel the way we do. Autism is a complex disorder and it directly affects social interaction as well as verbal and nonverbal communication. I felt like if I knew more about how our brains function differently, I would have better communication with my brother. Matthew has also motivated me so much to live in my truth. While my brother is different from a lot of us, he is so happy and he shamelessly lives in his truth. He flaps his hands when he wants and makes loud noises in places where we are supposed to be silent. Our society is made up with all of these unwritten “rules” for EVERYTHING! From beauty standards, to jobs, and how we interact with each other. I have been on a journey of my own to live my life without caring what anyone thinks and I’m loving it so far!

When I was younger I wanted to shield my brother in a sense. The stares and pointing and laughing is really hard to deal with, especially as a teen. I went from feeling angry, jealous and ashamed to really talking about autism any chance I get and educating people any moment I can about autism.

What do you love most about your brother?

Matthew has some really amazing qualities that light up my world. What I love about him the most is how he lives in the moment. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday or the day before, if he finds something funny for example he will laugh is heart out as if there are absolutely no worries in the world. I admire that about him. Sometimes it's good to sit back and experience small moments instead of dwelling on all the negative things.

How is your relationship with your brother unique compared to typical relationships between siblings?

Having a brother with autism is so different. We never broke night waiting to see Santa or play pranks on each other. We never had arguments or rode roller coasters together. I never had conversations about relationships or first heart breaks with him. What we do to have fun is spin round and round until he can't laugh anymore. He's the only one in the world who loves my singing so I sing and dance with him all the time. When we went to the park as young kids, the glare from the sun shining on the monkey bars is more fun for him then climbing them! Seeing and hearing about him become more independent is such a satisfying feeling. I can't tell you how amazing it was to hear that by brother used a fork to eat his whole meal or the first time he undressed his self for bath time. Those are things that a lot of people don't think twice about but for me those are the unforgettable moments. Having a sibling with autism is very unique but I wouldn’t change him or our relationship for the world.

What do you want the world to know when they meet your brother?

I want to know that Matthew is such a loving, caring individual. I want them to know that all of the things that most would look at as flaws are what make him so uniquely beautiful. I want to warn them that he will steal your heart and never come around him with fried chicken because it's it favorite and he will take it from you! Lol.

How do you show love to each other?

This answer is hard for me so I will tell you a story so you can get a better understanding. I come from a family where we say the words “I Love You” every night before bed, after every phone conversation, after every bad or happy moment. It's a part our everyday lives. I longed to hear my brother’s voice produce these words more than anything. When I was 16 it was the first autism speaks walk we participated in. We stayed up all night making our posters and tee shirts in honor of him "Team Matt". Matthew seemed so happy to be there and around people of all ages who are like him. It was also good for me to see other families who could relate to us. Then it started to rain on us. While I was upset first thinking of how the rain ruined this experience, I turned around and he was having the time of his life. She stared at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and at that moment it was just me and my brother. His eyes told me so much without him saying a word. We didn't speak but we were communicating at that moment and he told me he loves me, he told me he’s good, and enjoy this rainy day. Every now and again he gives me that look and I feel so loved and special to connect with him in that way.

What was a hardship you both faced as siblings and how did you overcome it?

The hardships we have faced are humans being mean and cruel. When I was younger I wanted to shield my brother in a sense. The stares and pointing and laughing is really hard to deal with especially as a teen. I went from feeling angry, jealous and ashamed to really talking about autism any chance I get and educating people any moment I can about autism.

What are some things that you had to overcome within yourself to better your relationship with your brother?

I had to let go of guilt and resentment and to be honest it's a working progress. Sometimes I would cry alone and ask God why my brother had to be different and why he has to go through the hardships that living with autism brings. I felt guilty and unworthy at times and I kept it all to myself because how dare you feel sad when you’re not the one with the disorder? I felt like my parents were already stressed so I didn't feel that comfortable at first expressing how I felt. I had to see that we are different but he's not flawed. I try not to feel bad for my brother anymore because just because he views the world differently than I do doesn't mean that he is suffering or not happy. I'm learning to celebrate and enjoy moments instead of seeing all the things that can be better. I’m still concerned about what his future holds. I worry about what will happen to my brother when my parents and I are gone. All I can do is pray and hope for the best for my beautiful blue rose.

LADA: Tenaye is my cousin and has been so supportive of this site and myself. I am sooo happy to present this interview to you all. She was so open and honest with this interview especially with such a sensitive topic. I hope this helps to bring education and awareness to people with Autism. Many of us know people with Autism and share these same feelings, so thank you so much Cousin!