People wonder why I love The Office so much. Netflix is bugging for even considering taking it off air.

With the release of When they see us By Ava Duvernay, my timeline exploded with reviews, tears and demands that EVERYONE must see this. In the first few months, all I kept seeing was that I had to watch it. I already knew about the case from years previous and I already knew I wouldn’t be seeing it. I didn’t watch the Kalief Browder story either, but I was stunned by the case and occasionally cry when I think about him, especially him being a Bronx native and as young as he is. It hits even closer to home as I have brothers who are incarcerated.

People have jokingly asked me how is it that I could watch a “white show” but not want to watch something that has to do with “us”. I say because I know what is going to happen in the office. I know Michael Scott’s quirky ways, I know the precise moment Dwight is going to be an asshole, I know when Pam is going to annoy me with her self-righteous. Having been a fan for years and solely getting Netflix for the office, I know it’s going to make me laugh and reflect joyfully. I know what’s coming and I know my stomach, heart and mind can take it. I know that watching When They See Us will evoke hatred, anger, sadness, helplessness, and fury. I know I am justified in feeling all these things. These feelings are not foreign to me, but I am resentful, annoyed, exhausted when they come and when they frequent my body, mind and thoughts. I feel things deeply and powerfully. I’m not obligated to watch our pain in HD. I’m not obligated to see our mutilated bodies whether by actors or real video’s, my ears automatically want to stop our anguished cries for help, for sorrow for freedom. I am not obligated to revisit my trauma and I wish people would stop quilting others into it. I have a threshold and I know that watching these videos pass it. After the deaths of Eric Garner, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland and countless others, most caught on film to be played repeatedly, I no longer watch videos, or I try to find the description before I watch it. I am very wary of automatic videos that play.

According to our trusted Wiki, vicarious trauma is Vicarious traumatization is a transformation in the self of a trauma worker or helper that results from empathetic engagement with traumatized clients and their reports of traumatic experiences. It is a special form of counter transference stimulated by exposure to the client's traumatic material. Many of us have suffer from generational trauma, vicarious trauma and many other forms. Paying attention to our bodies, paying attention to our souls and ourselves is so important and imperative to the work we do. If you want to take a break, that is fine, too.

This isn’t any excuse for those who can actually affect numbers and make changes (WHITE PEOPLE, CONGRESS, LAW MAKERS, THOSE WHO ARE TYPICALLY SILENT ABOUT PAIN, ETC). to get off the hook. Those suggestions aren’t for you.

I was jokingly asked what do you do for the community?” in comparison to me watching the film. At first insulted, but with true reflection, I am able to say this: Your support can look different. it doesn’t require having to watch a film in order to support or be in the know. Information comes from different sources. I am able to read something before I am able to watch it. I support my community by creating safe spaces in the events that I host. I am a licensed social worker who is purposeful in working in the community I come from and live in. I purposely dedicate my time and resources to black and brown people, the folks who are most affected by police brutality and unjust laws. I pay special attention to those who are part of those community and further marginalized for their sexuality, identity, whether they are disable, language, citizenship and so much more. I donate where I can or spread the word via my social media platforms and within my circle. I am consistently available to those who need my help or point them in the right direction if I am able. Please don’t ever minimize the work that you do or feel as though you have to have money to help support your community. Protect your peace and don’t feel guilty for it. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to watch the pain. Don’t feel guilty for averting your eyes. Don’t feel guilty for shutting it out. Self-care is important and not just an act of care but an act of revolution. Caring for black bodies and black minds and souls is a revolution.

This piece is specifically to my people of color, my black people who are always at the forefront, who are always the first to take the blow and the last to be checked in with, this is for people who feel that the little they have aren’t enough, this is for my people who are learning to self-care in a word that seeks to break you down and make you feel guilty for caring for your needs. I see all of you and hope this piece provides peace. Much love <3