When you found out you were pregnant, what emotions did you feel?

When I found out I was pregnant, I was confused. Confused because it wasn't exactly planned but also because I couldn't imagine myself a mother. I knew I wanted to have kids in the future but at that moment the idea of starting a new family and carrying a baby for 9 months was foreign. It wasn't until my belly started growing bigger and when I felt Nyla kick for the first time that I realized I was no longer confused. Instead I felt happy and scared at the same time. Happy that soon there will be a new addition to my life and scared that I would fail as a mother. I didn't have good parents and I didn't want history to repeat

What is the meaning behind her name?

A lot of people don't know this but the name Nyla is used among African Americans and it means winner, or attainment of desires. It was my fiancé's sister that suggested the name and I liked it. I also loved the meaning. I hope that no matter how hard or crazy life is for her, she wins the hardest game of all, life.

Are there any customs/family traditions that you follow for your child's birth?

Both my parents were born in India, and raised as Muslims. I am proud to be of Indian descent but I am even more proud of being an American. As far as religion, I consider myself a believer while my other half is a Christian. I do plan on getting Nyla baptized and taking her to church until she is old enough to make her own decision.

How did people around you respond to you being pregnant?

Most people were shocked when they found out I was pregnant. They couldn't believe it because the idea never crossed their mind. I only told my close relatives and friends and everyone else either figured it out or didn't find out until after birth. I choose not to post my pregnant news to the world because A. like I said I was confused at first and B. After I was no longer confused, I felt like an elephant. A very happy and scared elephant but still an elephant at that!

How was your birthing process? Was is short, long, painful, exhilarating?

My whole pregnancy was amazing. I didn't have all the bad symptoms that first time mother's get such as vomiting, and nausea. I didn't have weakness or fatigue or anything else. My OBGYN was even surprised saying that I was one lucky woman. That was until I went into labor of coarse lol. My labor pains was horrible, it felt like really bad menstrual cramps at first and then it felt like someone was twisting my insides (sorry for the bluntness). When I went into labor, it was so bad that I had to hold on to something because the pain literally took my breath away. For all the women that are reading this, please don't take this to heart because it varies from woman to woman. Like I said my whole pregnancy was good until I went into labor. Anyway, I eventually had to get an emergency C-section because I wasn't dilating properly, even with medication and Nyla's heart rate was decelerating every time a doctor checked how dilated I was. She came out safe and sound and even opened her eyes. I might not have gone through the normal birthing process but I still felt the labor pains and I got a beautiful healthy baby girl. I wouldn't trade that for nothing.

What is your observation on motherhood so far?

Becoming a mother is no joke. A lot of woman (or so I hear) want a child to fill a gap in their life...Maybe they want someone to love them or they don't want to feel lonely or just maybe they want to feel needed. No matter what they find out the hard way that having a baby doesn't fill that gap because a baby is a baby, he or she doesn't know what love, loneliness or the need to feel needed is. A baby is a tiny human being that needs that love, needs nurturing and human contact. When you have a baby , it is no longer about you, it's primarily about the baby.

What is something you enjoy about your daughter?

I can just watch Nyla sleep for hours and as creepy as it sounds, it still continues to bring joy to my heart. To see her sleep so contently brings an indescribable surge of happiness and peace that nothing else can bring. Nyla brings out the fire in me, she makes me stronger and inspires me to become someone so that when she grows up she can admire her mommy

What is the legacy you hope to leave behind for your daughter and loved ones?

I didn't have a lot growing up. My family was poor and my siblings and I lived off of ramen and plain bread. I don't want Nyla to have the life I had. I don't want her to grow up hungry, struggling to survive. I want her to experience everything I couldn't. I want her to enjoy her childhood, be able to run around and play with toys and just be a kid. I never got that and I will do everything in my power to make sure she doesn't live anything close to what I had to live. I will love her to no end and provide her with everything she needs. I just hope that in the end she realizes and appreciates what her father and I have done for her because as much as I hated my childhood, it made me who I am today. I am a hard worker and a respectful person because of the scars in my life. My biggest fear is that Nyla won't be any of that. I guess that only thing I can do is hope and pray that despite what she hopefully won't have to go through, in the end she will be an appreciative beautiful young woman that has the whole world at her feet and time to capture it all.

Lada: I met Nilo at Le Moyne college and she always had a smile on her face or we shared funny/inspirational moments. Nilo approached me about doing a submission for motherhood and of courseI said yes. I appreciate Nilo's willingness and her raw, powerful and insightful views on motherhood. Thank you so much!