Happy new year yall!

Ive taken a long hiatus because I haven't had the passion to write lately. Or passion for anything, honestly. A series of events happened in life and it caused me to want to self preserve. Anything that caused me to reflect or acknowledge feelings made me uncomfortable and I didn't want to be uncomfortable. I didn't want to acknowledge any pain I've felt, any abandonment I've felt, I didn't want to acknowledge anything. I just wanted to go to work, inspire the kids at my job to be their best self (while neglecting me) come home, eat, sleep and repeat. And I did. I didn't want to think to hard about anything. I wanted to experience a sense of "normalcy".

Shit got boring. And ignoring parts of myself became painful. I was coasting but I had finally hit something rough and had to look up and see all that was around me.

When things happen in your life that throws off your balance, we, especially me, dont allow ourselves to feel it in its entirety. This includes traumatic experiences, separations, loss, etc. I know my response is to keep going and that's more so a survival tactic than anything else. When I really allow myself to acknowledge pain or anything "negative", it hurts and I prefer to not have that gut wrenching, heart palpitating, sting under my arm, slight headache and heat that overcomes me. Id rather watch the office instead, because its "safe" and I dont have to think and feel. (If nextflix were to ever remove the office, Im suing them.)

As a social worker, its so easy for me to motivate others or to acknowledge the beauty in others but when it comes time to do for me... I easily put myself on the back burner or when it comes time to acknowledge real shit... we shrink and cower behind everything else. And getting motivation or getting on the right track in life isnt easy at all.

I had a convo with my great friend, Tiffany, who also wrote this dope ass piece a few months ago: http://www.aladalove.com/self-love-1/2017/10/13/unpacking-your-sht

The convo went from a simple question about exercising to me crying lmao.

I feel like, at times, because were not feeling our best or doing our best, we feel like shit. And its different when mental health or finances can be the reason for the lack of motivation or advancement. I wanted to create this post for many reasons but I really wanted to share this in hopes that it'll inspire someone who may be having a difficult time with self image, their feelings, their goals, etc.

You are human. You are deserving. Its okay to engage in self preservation. Its okay to take time. Its okay to say no. its okay to cry. its okay to not have all the answers, sway. Its okay to not be okay.

So here's to giving yourself time. Allowing some peace. And striving for perseverance.

Happy new year yall! We're blessed with the opportunity to still be here and strive for greatness. Im looking forward to what aladalove will produce and thank you to all those who have been rocking with a G. Yall are much appreciated.